Absolutely Terrified of Gaining Weight

I have been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. I am ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED of gaining weight (which I am by order of my doctors, seeing that I am about *edited by mod* underweight right now, just weighed myself at *edited by mod* and should be at *edited by mod* ) I am partially hospitalized at the moment with the "trifecta" (depression, anxiety, OCD), but would like some feedback from some fellow anorexics. I noticed today that I look extremely fat to myself in the mirror, and it has made me really depressed and angry. I have also been diagnosed with BDD, so it has triggered that as well. I was wondering if there was someone who could help who has gone through regaining weight after being anorexic. I have an intense want to fast for an extended period of time and drink massive amounts of coffee and chain smoke instead of eating (this is what I used to do). I was doing really good up until now. I will of course talk about this in my group therapy tomorrow, but its not for eating disorders. Could I do something like just eat salad, and still get back to a healthy weight? Should I try a raw diet?

Hi Crzyrp,

I am in a similar place to you in that I am terrified of gaining weight.
It can be really hard to eat when you really are wanting to just restrict and stay away from all food, but for your health's sake, you must eat. Absolutely must.
Take a look at Jessee's thread titled "There are Worse things than gaining weight". That scared the crap out of me and reminded me that if I don't eat and continue to restrict, I could be in deep sh*t, so to speak.
I don't know about you, but I come from a family of women who pretty much all have eating disorders (mostly anorexic, some bingers) and one thing that can motivate me to eat is looking at them and seeing how it has damaged their bodies and ruined their skin. Many of my aunts are in their 40's and their ED's have made their skin extra wrinkly and old looking and I do NOT want to loook old.
Try to find negative things, even if they are shallow, and blow them up as motivation to eat.
It could be wrinkles, organ damage, people not finding you as attractive because you have no curves, etc. Whatever works.
Lastly, sadly, you cannot just eat salad and expect to gain weight. You need a balanced, healthy diet made up of more than "rabbit food" as my Dad calls it. I know it can be scary, but you have to trust your doctors, especially since you have BDD.
Hope this finds you well! Hugs!

Hi Rawrytheracingcar,
Thank you so much for your reply. I have been doing much better with this, although the anorexia rears its ugly head from time to time when I'm eating. I really do not want to have bad skin when I'm older because of this stupid and unnecessary disorder. I'll keep that in mind when I feel like restricting.
I've also found that if I really chew my food, like 20 times or more, I get lost in the taste and can just stay more in the present moment with it. Also I get full quicker and just eat more frequently, which is said to be healthier anyway. I hope that might help with your situation because I've noticed at least with myself that I have a tendancy to scarf food down, then feel guilty because I "ate too much". I'm guessing this is an anorexic thing since we are basically starving ourselves.
Best of luck with your situation!