I'm new to this

Hi,

I've had an eating disorder for years, diagnosed back in 2002, I think, but I've never believed it. I was in hospital about 4 months back and they told me I had an eating disorder again. I railed against it because they were trying to force me to eat more. Now my therapist has started calling it by name, anorexia nervosa.

I know I have an ED, but I don't know how to accept it and start to work with it. I've tried to make myself ground rules (ex: a drink is not a meal), but starting to deal with it makes me want to fight it more. I don't want to gain weight. I like that I've lost weight.

How do you even began to accept something like this? It's 10 years later, and I know that I have an eating disorder. I can't bring myself to say the name even.

*hugz* I'm so sorry hun. This is obviously very hard.

It's difficult to accept something as a disorder when you're under the illusion that it's serving a very real, desperate purpose. Admitting that you have anorexia nervosa means having to accept all the negative connotations that go along with your coping mechanism.

If you can see the anorexia as something separate from you, it becomes easier to see your own identity and the potential strength you have without it.

I hope you're getting the right kind of help to deal with all of this, and that you start to feel better soon.

Thank you.