Relapsed

I went into a hospital in my late 20s and started in recovery for what they called Bulimianervosa at the time. I never vomited but did take laxatives. The hospital I was at changed my behavior but did not take away the obsession.

I have dissociative identity disorder (formerly multiple personality) and there are 3 parts of me that have an eating disorder. That is a BIG part of me!

When I went on the 5 year cancer meds for breast cancer (I am cancer free right now) I gained *edited by mod* in 2 months. That totally freaked me out and I relapsed. I eat as little as I can. I can't go long periods without eating because I get enormous headaches that interfere with work. I obsess. I worry. I don't exercise because I just don't have the energy. I basically starve. My oncologist said, "You can't lose weight on this medicine." Apparently, he has not had anyone with and e.d. as a patient. I have *edited by mod* of what I gained. Now my body is just biding it's time. I know when I get off the drug I will start to lose weight more rapidly. I need to get better before than. But if I eat anywhere near normal I know this medicine with make me gain weight. I feel trapped. I have a supportive husband and I am grateful for that. I also am medicated for bipolar 2 Disorder. I am in therapy so I am hopeful I may be able to find the middle ground so I can eat more but not so much that I gain weight. The thought of gaining weight scares the crap out of me.

Thank you for reading and understanding.

Hey helenslight,

Welcome to the forum

Congrats on getting through cancer! That must have taken so much courage!

I hope that you're able to find some good help for the anxiety you're feeling surrounding weight gain. Are you in treatment for the DID? I know that being dissociative makes recovering from ED very difficult.

Keep posting! I hope you find the support you need here.

Hi Ladyswan,
I am in counseling for everything. We deal with the DID and ED as they come up and affect my life. My therapist is not trained in ED or DID but she has extensive training in the treatment of trauma. She is good for me in that she helps me change perspective and helps the little ones have a voice.

Thanks for your replay.

Your therapist sounds awesome. I have huge respect for therapists who work on changing perspective for the better. The fact that she works with your littles & helps them have a voice is good too

Would it be possible to work with a nutritionist and do some meal planning, or would the 3 parts of you that have ED interfere?

Insurance, right now, is a problem. I can't afford a nutritionist. But, if she told us what to eat that would not make us gain weight, that is a possibility. I am getting insurance at the start of August.