I think I might have a problem? *may tigger*

Hi guys, this is my first post here as usually postin the BPD forum, so sorry if I'm posting in wrong place.

I suspect I might have an eating disorder but not sure what it is. I've been slender most of my adult life, after struggling with food since I was 14 years old (I'm now 40). When I was 14 an adult friend of my dads told me I had put on weight and was chubby. As an extremely sensitive child I took it hard.

Since then I made a conscious effort to keep an eye on every piece of food I ate, and to my relief dropped the weight considerably around 26. After two big relationship breakups of long term relationships I find myself in a situation where I don't eat for days! I don't even get hunger pains or ever feel hungry. Then out of the blue ill have to eat because someone invites metro dinner and the thoughts are incredibly intense that I just need to get the food out of me as quick as possible. I usually deal with this by self induced vomiting.

I am scared to eating and feel like I will lose control if I do. I don't consider myself underweight at all and have been functioning in life quite well with this. So far it hasn't effected my health.

I'm not sure what this is called or even if it's a problem but wish I didn't think about food all the time. That's the thing that worries me. I want the headspace to think about other things.

I guess my question, is do you think it's a problem if I'm still functioning and have been doing this fora long time, and also if I haven't dropped below what I consider normal for my height? And, how do you stop the thoughts of food?

Hey Winterblue,

Welcome to the forum!

Yes, I do think it's a problem. It's having a negative impact on your life. You're scared of eating and of losing control, that's a huge indicator that it's a problem. Dealing with stress by purging will rob you of the chance to learn & grow from the things that stress you out.

Most people with an eating disorder aren't underweight. With the exception of diagnosable anorexics we're usually at an average or above average weight. The number on the scale doesn't tell someone the story of how much pain you've been through.

How you ever sought help for this before? Stopping the thoughts and anxiety surrounding food usually takes professional help. It's good to talk with others who are suffering because they can help with some insight and support, so I'm glad you took the time to post here.

Thanks for the welcome ladyswan

Went to my psychiatrist today and this is the first time I've ever brought it up. He was really nice. Wanted to ask him more questions about stuff but was a bit embarrassed. Didn't really say much either but guess that's a start!

Good job on bringing it up! It's definitely a start.

I have to keep a list or all the things I want to mention during appointments and my therapist calls an hour beforehand just to remind me to bring it along. Most of the time I find that it isn't a matter of simply forgetting, but of wanting the problem to disappear. If it's on a list in front of my face it's easier to acknowledge it's a problem worth discussing. Doing something like that before your next appointment might make it easier for you to ask the questions you want to ask.