I'm so angry.

Well, to start off, I already wasn't having a good day.

My mom called me downstairs for dinner, but she was using my legal name and she KNOWS that I hate that, but she doesn't care if it hurts me, so when I didn't respond, she came into my room, screamed at me, and then slammed the door and walked away.

Then, I finally went downstairs to eat dinner, even though all of my previous effort to eat was pretty much gone by this point, I ate two small pieces of chicken and some mashed potatoes, but I wouldn't eat the broccoli because it had cheese in it. When I eat healthy food, my food anxiety and fear of getting fat isn't as bad, so that's how I've been trying to deal with my anorexic feelings, but I still get freaked out by eating.

So, she noticed I didn't eat any of the broccoli. I told her it was unhealthy (which it is) and she said "UH, EXCUSE ME? LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE SKINNY!" Apparently, being "skinny" means that the difference between eating healthy and unhealthy food is invalid.

Hi Schrei,

I think that would have been hard for just about anyone to deal with That's a lot of anger coming out of your mom and it doesn't help the situation at all.

While I disagree that cheese & broccoli are unhealthy (unless it's processed cheese), your mom should have been more understanding about your fears. She sounds very worried & angry and like she doesn't know what to do about it. Her comment didn't make any logical sense because a skinny person can be healthy or unhealthy. I think the point she was trying to make is that since you're underweight it shouldn't matter how healthy the food is, she just wants you to eat it. I understand how frustrating that must be, because if recovery was as easy as simply eating again, forums like this wouldn't exist.

My mom got fast food for dinner tonight. The thought of it made me sick. I still ate most of it in my attempt at recovery, but I can now feel myself getting fatter. I feel gross and I want to cry.

Is there something you enjoy doing that could distract you from those negative feelings for a while?

*hugz* you'll get through this.