Feedback Please...

About two years ago I started eating very poorly. I omitted carbohydrates from my diet to such an extreme, I wasen't eating enough or getting the proper nutrients and I was exercising excessivly. I wasen't even overweight, yet I got on this kick and couldn't stop. I'm 5' 7 1/2" and all through my early 20's I was about 130 pounds and I didn't exercise at all. I was perfectly in shape and pefectly happy. Then I began obsessing about my body. While doing this "extreme" dieting, I went down to a low of 121 1/2 pounds, which caused comments from family and friends saying that I needed to put on weight. I took those comments as compliments. I felt thin. It wasn't like i felt fat, but something in my mind was telling me to get skinner and skinner. Some days I would stop eating at 3:00 in the afternoon then wake up the next morning on an empty stomach, exercise as much as possiable, wait as long as I could and then step on the scale in hopes to see a lower number than the day before. I'd get on the scale several times and if I wasen't pleased with the number, I would jump back on the treadmill, exercise some more and then weigh myself again. When I wasen't eating enough, I would get tired, cranky and impatient. I'd deprive myself of any sort of treat and then when I did give into cravings, I'd go overboard and binge until I was stuffed and pass out on the bed. Following that, I would feel extremly guilty and fat and begin depriving myself again. My period stopped for four months, then slowly came back once I realized that I had to change my ways. I'm happy to say that I now try to eat sensibly. I eat when I'm hungry and stick to fruits, vegtables, whole grains and grilled chicken. I treat myself a few times a week and try not to overdo it. Right now, I weigh about 127 1/2 and I'm due for my period in less than a week (it still comes late and is pretty light compared to what it used to be). The only thing troubling me is the fact that I have this little voice inside my head telling me almost everyday that I would look better if I lost weight. This little voice battles another voice saying that I look perfect and should eat right in order to be healthy. My question is, how do you fight that negative voice or will I always have those feelings inside of me? I still weight myself a little to often and I still jump on and off the scale and become furstrated if it's a half of a pound higher than the day before. I still feel guilty sometimes for having some low-fat ice cream and I still feel sometimes myself slipping back but quickly stop myself. It's not always easy. I look back and wonder what exactly was wrong with me. I just became so critical of myself, more so than ever. Was it anorexia? Was it borderline anorexia? Was it extreme dieting? What would you classify it as? Any kind of feedback would be appreciated. Thanks...

Hey sweetheart...

Sounds like you had a hard time with this, i'm sorry
I think you know the weight you went down to was too low, and that maybe some of the feelings you have towards food are not healthy...
it took courage to write this down, i'm really impressed you could say it because a lot of people find this so hard to talk about even to a computer screen !
I'm not gonna go on and on about how you need x nutrients a day from x amount of food groups etc... you know what is a baseline weight for your body and what you feel comfortable with, if friends and family are worried about you maybe you could ask them to help you get back to how you were safely...
Once the negative voice starts up, it is so so hard to stop, and sometimes fighting it is more than you can bear, this is when you need people around you who care for you...
honey, you are so strong for battling with these negative thoughts - its a lot more than i can do ! i think it would help you so much to have them reinforced by people around you also...

I'm not a doctor (although hopefully will be in 5 years!) so i can't tell you if what's going on with you is anorexia or any other eating disorder... to be honest, its only a label and will not help you.
The point is, you need some help to come through this, and please please address it before it becomes any more a problem... these things can get out of hand so quickly... please talk to someone about these feelings and ask for help... i know its hard, but maybe if you just took a print out of what you wrote here on this forum and showed it to your GP or a friend/family member they could help you through this...

If you ever want to talk to someone impartial i'm around, please write back and let me know how you are ?

i hope you take care of yourself sweetheart

kate x

Kate,

Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciate it. I feel I've gotten a lot better over the past year or so. My period came back and physically I feel a lot better. It' true that theses negative voices are sometimes hard to bear, luckily I do have people that I can turn to for support. Some days are eaiser for me than others but I guess nothing happens overnight. Thanks again for your response and your support.