Need some advice and someone to speak to please :(

Hello, I'm Laura and i'm 16 years old. I am 5ft 4in and weigh 105 pounds. I have had a problem with my eating and drinking for quite a few months now, and nothing anyone says or does helps me at all. My mum has taken me to the doctors twice now and the doctor has said I need councilling to help me, but I just feel embarresed about it, they will probably think i'm a freak :/ I have also had to have a blood test. I don't eat through the day, I skip breakfast and lunch and then get forced to eat my evening meal by my parents. I drink about a glass of water a day. I am a vegetarian and will only eat a jacket potato with no butter or filling with a bit of salad, sometimes I will eat salmon but nothing else. Once I have eaten this I feel extremley bloated and it makes me feel down. I hate the way I look and when I see myself I feel extremley fat. I have cut out all bad foods, like chocolate, cakes, pasta, rice and loads more. I have a HUGE fear of them. If I feel fat I go to the gym regularly. I just don't know what else could help me. It's out of my control now, It has taken over everything, it's all I ever think about. I just need someone to speak to

Hi Laura. First of all let me say I have an eating disorder too, its non specific and based on eating nothing at all until I keel over. it isn't clever I know and I should know better considering I'm diabetic and my daughter has an eating disorder and we sometimes share notes. As a mother I find myself telling her one thing and doing the opposite. We both fear food for different reasons. Humanity is flawed, perfection does not exist, but that doesn't mean to say that life isn't good.
The thing about perfection is a fact by the way, trust me I am diabetic. Next time you think you see perfection look a little closer, the flaws are there.
You know you have a problem which is good. You have posted here which is double good, you know you need help. You also know what I'm going to say next.
Accept the help that's offered. Go to the Councellor. I could tell you that you should eat small meals every two hours, drink a litre of water a day and kiss your mother every morning (mothers are great and I am biased) but I am not in a position to say anything on that front. A Councellor is. They will not judge you I promise. They are trained to be non judgemental and would be in ten kinds of trouble if they even got close to being anything else. I have a healthy relationship with my therapist I glowered at her for weeks on end and she smiled patiently until I found something to say. I sometimes think I won't go and then I do. I often think she will turn me away and tell me I'm an idiot, a fool or a waste of space but she doesn't. Councellors are people they sit on the toilet at least once a day just like you and me. They are no better or worse, just trained in specific skills. They are there to help it''s their job.
It's difficult to accept advice and help, but the hardest thing is making the first step. It took me almost a decade then I wondered why I had waited. Trying to cope on your own is a non starter. And I don't have to tell you what a model subject I was and am I am sure. Do I ? A year in and I am still there. Councellors do not give up on you no matter how much you try. They don't force you to do anything, they are encouragement machines with batteries that never run out. Their job is to help you to help yourself and mine has a good heart, though she does her best not to show it because its thoroughly unprofessional to get emotionally involved. They are all good people its number one on the list of qualifications.
Go to the Councellor, be honest with them and accept their advice. But don't expect too much of yourself, do not feel driven to succeed or fail. Failure is a self fulfilling prophecy, remember that the first time you consider cheating. Success is sweeter in small bites. If you have a good relationship with your mum let her help you. Things will be tough at times. Don't be afraid to speak up if you have any concerns, you are the one doing the work and its your health that will benefit. Councellors don't have a magic wand I wish that they did. Sometimes you have to put in the effort to reap the rewards and effort takes time.
Good luck and try and eat breakfast, your engine needs fuel before you press start even if its only a morsel.

Thankyou Very much for your advice I hope you and your daughter are getting better. I have an appointment on thursday and I am very nervous. Good Luck to you and your daughter. Thankyou again!

hi
i am not entirely sure what to say, i read your post and it reminded me of myself when i was 16. I went onto become very ill and hospitalized, which is the problem with anorexia it spirals and can get to the point where it can't be stopped on your own. I think a counsellor is a very good idea, i hope your appointment went ok. I think it is very important to get outside help so perhaps a downward spiral can be avoided because it sounds bad already. To try and not keep everything to yourself might help, it is a very isolating illness, and keeping in touch with people about the difficulties may help keep you in touch with reality, and the reality that you have to eat and the reality of what will happen if you don't. I hope i don't sound patronising or as though i am lecturing, thats not my intention at all!
I understand the all consuming nature of it as well, i used to think of nothing else. I think if you can try and up your intake of liquids, even if it is just water and one glass more than you are having at the moment. My parents used to do the same thing to do, force dinner down me, and looking back i am glad they did. I hope you can work toward getting better from this, it is so awful to watch someone literally disappear and be able to do nothing to stop them. I had a friend in the unit where i was, who almost died, it was horrible, she was so underweight she couldn't keep conscious any more.
if you want to talk more, feel free to pm.
sorry if i have been no help to you!

Thankyou for your words and support The counselling went okay, but was extremley difficult. I have been told that I am about a week away from being hospitalised. So i'm very scared x