Random rant, help?

Hello, I'm new, actually it has taken me some while to try to find a place where people will help me.
I'm not really sure if that's the point of this site, but I have to get it out somewhere, if not here.

I never thought I had a problem with eating, etc. etc.
I've always been skinny, and I keep thinking I'm too skinny.
Yet, whenever I gain weight I start looking at my stomach as if it's to chubby, it stands out, like a pregnant belly.

I eat thoguh, just not that much. Not even healthy.

I'm 5'4 feet (166 cm)
92.4 lbs (42 Kg)
BMI at; 15.2

I used to be 45 kg, but I don't want to go back to that weight, but at the same time I want to WANT that weight.
I'm just afraid, I won't be liked anymore.
People always say "You're so skinny" and they adore it, well some, others freak out.

I went to the hospital to get checked due to pains the left side of my stomach.
The doctor suddenly started asking me if I ate. And I did answer honestly; I did eat. I still do, until I'm no longer hungry.
I don't think he belived me thoguh.

Is it possible to get an eating disorder without even knowing it?
I also think I need help gaining tolerance to gain weight, but I can't force myself to eat more than I do now.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm just confused, I don't even know what I want. . .
How can I find out if I have anorexia without parents knowing?
Can't contact a doctor. Can't tell a teacher, I won't. *Sigh*

Hey,

Eating disorders generally creep-up on us over a long period of time - you're right. I don't know if you actually 'have' one right now, but something certainly isn't right. I'm not sure what the source of that pain in your stomach was either, but are you sure that it was actually your stomach? The stomach is higher in the chest area than most people assume. For example, when most people rub their belly as if to say 'Im hungry', they're actually just rubbing the part where their intestines are. The stomach is above that area.

Also, it's wrong to equate weight/appearance with how much people will like you. In addition, the natural figure of the human body is to have a slight 'bump' where your tummy is. If you look at any shots of models where there seems to be no bump, it's just because the model is tucking in their tummy while the shot was being taken.

You mention Anorexia, but I'm not sure. It sounds like it, and the problem could become very serious if things continue. You must ask yourself the following: How serious exactly are you about getting better and getting to a more 'normal' weight? If you are very serious about it, then by all means ask your parents to arrange an appointment for you with the doctor. You do'nt have to live this way, and there are options for you to take to feel better inside and out.

Kevin

Thank you for the reply.
I'll think oer it at least for now.

Hi, Kyusune, how are you doing? Are you getting help now?