If I Eat I Feel Fat, If I Don't I Feel Ugly.

My Names Julian, I've Recently Turned 17 And I Suffer From Body Dysmorphia, Anorexia, Bulimia, OCD, Social Phobia, Depression & Insomnia. Recently I Feel Everything Is Getting Worse. I've Been Getting Help For 3 Years, I See A Psychiatrist, A Hypnotherapist And I'm Currently Doing CBT. I'm Also Taking 200mg Of Fluvoxamine Tabs A Day. Every Time I Look In The Mirror I Swear I Get Uglier, And Fatter. I'm 6 Foot And Trying To Get To 6.5 Stone. My Anger Seems To Be Getting Out Of Control. My Reflection Makes Me Want To Cry. I Spend Most Nights Looking At Pictures Of My Idols, And It Makes Me Feel Sick That I Don't Look Like Them. I Don't Know What To Do. Plus I've Newly Started College And I'm Surviving On 1 Rice Cake From The Time I Get Out Of Bed, Till The Evening When I'll Have A Small Meal Of Low Calories.

Hi Julian,

This must all end soon, you know. I do'nt know how much more your body can take of this before it 'quits' on you. It sems like you are unable to get out of this problem yourself, and therefore you will have to pass control of your life to someone that you trust. Ideally, this would be a parent, and it would involve telling them that you - quite simply - need help to get through a big problem. In my opinion Julian, you ought to talk to a doctor/GP about all of this. I have had an eating disorder for many years, but I have it under control. However, I required therapy for one year.

Please let me know if I can help you with anything. I live in Leicestershire.

Kevin

Hey Kevin, First Off, Thank You For Reading What I Said, I'm New To This Site, So I Didn't Really Know What To Expect. Whether I'd Get No Feedback, Some Abusive Feedback Or In This Case, Positive Feedback. So I Appreciate It. The Thing Is, I've Been So Obsessive And Such A Perfectionist For So Long, That I've Normalized My Eating Patterns, So That The Amount I'm Eating Doesn't Feel Like A Small Amount. If Anything, It's Too Big. I'm Just So Scared Of Getting Help With My Eating, Simply Because, And It's Hard To Write This In Words You Can Understand: I Don't Want My Anorexia To Go. All I Want, Is To Get Thinner, And Have A Positive Outcome. At The Moment, I'm Losing Weight, But Still, I'm Fat. And Can't Think Cause My Frontal Lobe Has Simply Disappeared, I Swear. I Just Want To Be Able To Lose Weight, And Feel Like I'm Losing Weight, And Feel Like I'm Skinny Enough, And Be Able To Walk Far Without Fainting, And Be Able To Concentrate. But Right Now, If I Went To My GP, They'd Give Me Help, But Help Would Mean Gaining Weight, And That Thought Make's Me Feel Sick. So I Don't Know.

Hi Julian,

If you went to your GP, the aim wouldn't be to gain weight as such... ...it would be more about changing how you see yuorself. I mean, if you were just made to gain weight, you'd still have the illogical view of yourself and nothing much would have been solved. Most likely, the GP would ask you a few questions and then draw-up a referral for you to see a psychiatrist, counsellor, or someone similar to these.

Kevin

JulianEchalaz wrote:Hey Kevin, First Off, Thank You For Reading What I Said, I'm New To This Site, So I Didn't Really Know What To Expect. Whether I'd Get No Feedback, Some Abusive Feedback Or In This Case, Positive Feedback. So I Appreciate It. The Thing Is, I've Been So Obsessive And Such A Perfectionist For So Long, That I've Normalized My Eating Patterns, So That The Amount I'm Eating Doesn't Feel Like A Small Amount. If Anything, It's Too Big. I'm Just So Scared Of Getting Help With My Eating, Simply Because, And It's Hard To Write This In Words You Can Understand: I Don't Want My Anorexia To Go. All I Want, Is To Get Thinner, And Have A Positive Outcome. At The Moment, I'm Losing Weight, But Still, I'm Fat. And Can't Think Cause My Frontal Lobe Has Simply Disappeared, I Swear. I Just Want To Be Able To Lose Weight, And Feel Like I'm Losing Weight, And Feel Like I'm Skinny Enough, And Be Able To Walk Far Without Fainting, And Be Able To Concentrate. But Right Now, If I Went To My GP, They'd Give Me Help, But Help Would Mean Gaining Weight, And That Thought Make's Me Feel Sick. So I Don't Know.

The Thing Is Though, If My View Of Myself Was Less Critical, And I Saw Myself As An Okay Weight, Gaining Weight Would Come With That. And I'm Seeing A Psychiatrist, I Go To CAMHS Once A Week. Along With A Hypnotherapist.

Julian.

JulianEchalaz wrote:The Thing Is Though, If My View Of Myself Was Less Critical, And I Saw Myself As An Okay Weight, Gaining Weight Would Come With That

I know that Julian. However, because your view of yourself would have changed, you might be more accepting of the gained weight once it has been gained. Don't you think?

Which service of the CAMHS are you availing of? There are different services, aren't there?

I Guess It's Just A Case Of Taking That Step, Which Is What I'm Too Weak To Do.

i developed anorexia since one month and i dont feel hungry