Anorexia Obsession - Am I normal?? Opinions please!

Ok I've just been diagosed with BPD - but i have a horrible feeling within me that I would like opinions on....

i WAS bulimic when I was 16 (I am in my 20's now), but i have always had an obsession with anorexia.... somehow i want it, somehow i crave it but I cant get it....

I know this is really weird, but I have never voiced this before, am I just after attention or is this how people start with this disorder?

Hi, confused! It could be that some kind of eating disroder is starting to show up again for you, through these thoughts. There's nothing wrong with needing attention.

There's plenty wrong with attention that is centered around an unhealthy obsession.

For most people with eating disorders, anorexia is the goal, the "good" one to have.
It sure has been for me, I have been obsessed with having it, wanting it, falling in love with it.
But let me tell you, I never want to relive the sheer horror of having it, I wanted so badly to not have it, it is not beautiful & romantic. And I never thought I was anorexic enough if you can believe that, I thought I ate too much (my body was in starvation mode, I would wake up at night hungry as a stray dog, feeling so helpless, obsessed, hurting...) & no you never think you're thin enough you will always be "fat" no matter how sickly you are. You will look at girls 20lbs heavier than you & wonder why you can't be that thin.

An eating disorder is like a domestic abuser, beats you until you're bloody, makes you hate yourself, if you were only this, only that. You think you can change it, make it better, make it stop hurting you.
You think it's your fault, you believe that you're not a worthwhile human being.
You say you love it, you're afraid for your life, but are scared of a life without it. Even if you run it can come after you, it's a abuser that lives within you. I ran & I am still running. Please run.

I never ever want to do that again, you don't have to.
Please honey, life is so much more than a tiny waist.

I agree with what's been said.

I also want to add my side. For me, controlling food intake wasn't about my body image. It was about pure and sheer control. Imaginary control, of course.

Could it be that you're reaching for that?

Could it be that you're subconsciously looking to create a physical, tangible problem to fix? Maybe out of frustration of not being able to manage your situation as well as you would like to?

I still have control issues and it can be hard to manage them. But at least I've learned other ways to achieve control. More positive ones.

--Frayed

If you have just been diagnosed it is a natural reaction to want to get a handle on it as soon as possible. it is scary to be diagnosed with an illness. It can make it feel like a really hard hit in the face of reality. Some in this sate turn to finding something else that they feel they can control. Controlling something as elemental as food intake can give a false sense of having a measure of control over it. This is an Illusion. It only further complicates your personal issues and Therapy needs. It is ESSENTIAL that YOU inform yourself all about what BPD is. The dangers and pitfalls, The complications and the skills to cope with it. focus your energy on this and Not Food. Food will help you think. You will never get a handle on BPD if you are depriving your brain of fuel.
I have heartfelt concern for you, I so so do.
With Hope Always,
One

It is a very uneasy feeling to be diagnosed with an illness. I recently wrote a claim on Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa. I also am looking to major in Nutrition and work in the field of eating disorders. It is very common to look for something else to focus your attention on after being diagnosed with an illness, however anorexia is mostly psychological. Although, it is currently being proven to be biological and socially affected, it is mostly seen as having psychological issues. I don't think that you are necessarily looking for "attention," but when I was doing research on the subject one of the definitions of Anorexia Nervosa that continuely showed up in many different sites was that, an anorexic is typically very controlly and a perfectionsist. They tend to be searching for somthing to control in their life and food is one of the first things they resort to. In my opinion I don't think that you are at the begining stages of Anorexia. It says you have struggles with bulimia, but I feel like it is a very heavy feeling to be diagnosed with BPD and you are searching for an answer. I hope that you don't result to starving yourself because that will not improve your health in any way. My heart goes out to you.

~S

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11nuQvO8HyA

Fight Against Eating Disorder

I hope this link can help you get better