just curious..

getting help isnt easy, let alone asking for it and admitting it all to someone. Im wondering the steps/actions it takes to get help and what kinds of things goes on to help you get better. if you had an eating disorder and sought help for it, could you explain how it went for you. if you are recovered now, how is that new life? .. thank you for all comments/feedback, its much appreciated.

Hi Larry,

I was 16 when I was diagnosed with Anorexia - it had been building since I was about 13... started with not eating dessert, then not eating breakfast... then before I knew it I was down to a juice popper and a croissant a day and 45kg.

I didn't get help for myself - my mother intervened... I went through a battery of tests to find out what was wrong with me and eventually a gynaceologist told my mother that he couldn't help me if I wanted to die. My GP then gave me a choice of going to hospital with a tube down my nose or moving out of home to go to an anorexic clinic as an outpatient that included therapy each day. I was taken out of high school and shipped off to clinic for 3 months to try and get sorted out.

For me, the key was understanding why I did it to then be able to stop doing it and to work through my "childhood" issues. For me, it was about being in control when everything else was out of control, and feeling stronger than my body because I could starve and survive. But then it was also about low self esteem and punishing myself and withholding from myself because I saw a fat, ugly, repulsive image of me and didn't feel that I deserved to eat.

That was 14 years ago and I'm a much happier person now - when I am stressed or upset I tend to revert to not eating rather than over-eating so I don't know that I will ever be fully "recovered" but I know I'll never be back in that dark hateful place again.

I have had (and continue to have) a lot of counselling over the years and for me this has also been a significant change factor in my life - cognitive behaviour therapy can be a very rewarding experience if you're open to therapy and can find a good counsellor.

Hope that helps a little, happy to answer any questions if you want to know more.

thank you for explaining what youve been through C0nfused11. listening to what someone else been through does help and Im glad to hear you are out of that "dark hateful place". I hope I can say the same and get over this somehow. do you feel free of it or is it still there? ..thanks again for reminding there is a better outlook afterwords.

you're welcome

I think it will always be there (perhaps thinking that makes it so) but the degree depends on how well i am handling my life. More often than not, it's not an issue for me - I still worry about my weight and I still wish I was thinner or fitter but I know I am a healthy weight and my happiness and vitality is more important.

On the "not" times (rather than the more often) it's still hard. When I feel like I've lost control and I'm stuck it is hard.

I'm in one of those times at the moment and it's difficult to eat because if I don't eat - that proves I have self control and it proves that I am not weak and proves that I am distressed - at least that's what the illogical part of me fights back with. I haven't reverted back to not eating or seeing how long I can go without food - just far enough back that I'll have a protein shake to curb the hunger but not be satisfied... I know that's still messed up, but I rationalise I haven't slipped back to the beginning.

And now I've just re-read this post and realised it's not been very helpful at all - I'm sorry it's a bad day... I will write again on a good day I promise!

it wasnt a bad post..maybe you needed to get that out and honestly I could use all the advice and help I can get. listening to others helps you see what you missed, atleast for me.
thank you C0nfused11.