Living off of light or anorexia nervosa?

AGE: 19
WEIGHT: 113lbs
HEIGHT: 5-10 - 6ft

The longer that I have been alive on this planet, the more I have come to detest the act of eating. First I stopped eating junk foods; meat and dairy were next; eventually, all I would eat was raw organic fruit, so I would be considered a fruitarian I suppose. I am both horrified and fascinated by the practical application of breatharianism, a theoretical/real state of being where an individual consumes no food, possibly no water as well. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see that I have lost alot of weight, but the more I abstain from food, the more wonderful I feel.

When I fast now, my mental acuity improves. My OCD cannot touch me. I feel so beautifully aware and am able to perform tasks that I absolutely cannot do when consumming food regularly, which for me, is a few pieces of organic fruit throughout the day. Everytime I eat, it hurts, not just physically, but in a more profound way as well.

I am not sure if I have found the answer; I am afraid I might die. BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM DYING. Its quite the opposite; I feel like I am really living. Maybe I am an unusual human being physiologically/psychologically/whatever. I have a history of mental issues and seem to have most if not all of the signs of schizoid personality "disorder". Maybe I am just wired to function with little or even no food.

Has anyone else experienced anything remotely like this? Did you get sick? Am I misreading the feeling that I am getting, or is my body really shutting down whilst I am unaware of it? Is it possible that I will never need to eat again?

This is interesting what you are doing, but it cannot last forever. Stores of vitamins in your body will rn out and you will then develop dficiency symptoms, which can prove very nasty. There was a time when I only ate fruit too, but then I became more depressed than usual, my hands started bleeding excessively from many small tears in the skin there, and I nearly died from a condition known as Toxic Megacolon. Your choice is to continue the way you are and start to slowly suffer, or else you can forget about everything and use the great mental control you [seem to] have to regain a good diet...

...if you can be disciplined enough to starve yourself, then you can be disciplind enough to sart eating better foods. At least try to include some meat for your breakfast.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:This is interesting what you are doing, but it cannot last forever. Stores of vitamins in your body will rn out and you will then develop dficiency symptoms, which can prove very nasty. There was a time when I only ate fruit too, but then I became more depressed than usual, my hands started bleeding excessively from many small tears in the skin there, and I nearly died from a condition known as Toxic Megacolon. Your choice is to continue the way you are and start to slowly suffer, or else you can forget about everything and use the great mental control you [seem to] have to regain a good diet...

...if you can be disciplined enough to starve yourself, then you can be disciplind enough to sart eating better foods. At least try to include some meat for your breakfast.

Kevin

Thats the thing though; everytime I eat, I feel for lack of better words, "out of balance". With me, the more that I eat, the worse that I feel physically and mentally. Its as if I can feel my mental agony increasing with each piece of food that I swallow, and 99% of what I do eat is organic fruit. I really don't know what to think. I recently did a 24 hour fast, and it was probably one of the greatest things I have ever experienced in my lifetime. I didn't take it to the next level because I was afraid that, even though I FELT completely ok, perhaps I wasn't so okay. I don't know what to do. I don't want to die, but I don't feel that I can just stuff food into my mouth when inside I feel so strongly against it. It seems that the only time I feel okay about eating is when I have really been ignoring any hunger pains and REALLY feel the need to eat.

I still wonder if I would have reached some sort of "nirvana" like state had I continued my fast. Alot of this ties into certain ideas/theories that occur to me, like "food is a drug, its just less dangerous than others". To me, and ideal state of existence would be one in which people could live almost indefinitely without food, theoretically called breatharianism. In this highly ideal state, if such a state is possible, I theorize that people would be free of most forms of illness, both physical and mental.

But anyways, thanks for posting. I'd like to hear anyone else's take on this, because I don't really want to die as a price for "enlightenment". Please make an effort to empathize with me before you post though. I am able to glean nothing through brazen insults like "you're insane".

Just a thought: Why not restrict the fast to one day per week? Anyway, given yor current state, it's not surprising that actually eating smething substantial makes you feel uneasy. There are probably many different cells lining your entire gastrointestinal tract that are now going into hibernation mode due to inactivity. When you eat something, it'd be like pushing a brick through you. I can't imagine that your stool samples are anything substantial, for example, and this will result in your gut flora dying off too. This in turn will affect your immune system. You don't see it yet, but you're on the downward path here. However, I don't think anthing I say will make you reverse this trend, and that you're going to have to reach rock bottom first.

Please prove me wrong though.

Kevin