my story

Hi,
If you're reading this - thank you. (sorry its so long!)

So, I'm Eimear, i'm 17 years old.
So, i thought i'd tell you my story.
Hopefully to inspire other people.
& i'm so so sorry if this upsets anyone.

So, this all hapenned about 1 year ago.
I've never really been very confident with myself.
I've been bullied practically my whole life, because of everything. Being called fat, because i'm shy & because i'm different from other girls.
It was the whole being called fat thing that bothered me more than anything.
My mum and my friends would be like "you're pefect as you are."
but that wasn't good enough.
I was fat and i had to admit it to myself.
I guess at that age, your hormones and emotions are everywhere anyway, and i think some girls really become 'body conscious'.
I no i did.
I went to a seriously dark place.
I wouldn't come out of my room, i was crying constantly.
I literally locked myself in my room and looked in the mirror, just crying.
I remember pinching my skin and wanting to get a knife and cut it off. Right there and then. I actually tried to. I got a knife and physically tried to cut it off.
(wow this is really hard to write down! i didnt think it would be)
I wasn't really mature enough to realise about carbs and things like that. My mum didn't really talk about it much, i just ate what i was given. Didn't no what was in it.
So to me - everything was fatty and EVERYTHING had to go.
I starved myself locked away in my room i wouldn't eat.
When i thought I was going to pass out i'd eat a piece of bread.
and i'd FORCE myself not too eat anymore.
My mum would make my meals but it wasn't strange for me to eat in my room - i'd done that since i was about 13.
So i'd take my meals up as usual.
I'd hide food in my room and at night i'd take it outside to get rid of it.
It's fair to say I'd become quite the expert.
this went on for about a week.
My mum came upstairs before I'd managed to take the food outside and she found it.
I tried to convince her it was the right thing to do.
I remember saying "mum its no big deal, i just wanna be thin."
I remember a lot of crying and shouting, my mum just broke down.
She didn't take me to the doctors - not straight away.
She didn't want to admit her daughter had a problem - she's very old fashioned.
So, she started making me sit downstairs for three meals a day.
I ate them. To make her think i was okay now.
But, for the second and third meal of the day - thats where the being sick started.
I ate breakfast, 'cos i thought 'it cant be THAT bad for me'
but for dinner and tea, id eat it and be sick. She had no idea.
At dinner time she made me come home from school to eat.

So about 2-3 months down the line, i looked seriously ill. - i can see that now.
I weighed 5 stone. I did weigh 9 stone.
That's how much weight i lost in about 2-3 months.
Not good, i realise that now.
But i thought i looked amazing.
I was finally thin like all the girls at school.
But it was strange, i thought if i was like them, they'd hang out with me and talk to me.
But they didn't. I was stilll an outcast.
So i thought "maybe i'm still fat."
Stupid, i no that now, but at the time, i genuinly thought i was.

Cut a long story short, it got so bad i was in a coma.
Put into hospital where i had to force fed by nurses.

not a nice thing

i had counselling and help.
it was a very long process
and i'm happy to say, i feel ok now.
I'm still only 6-7 stone.
But i'm happy.
sometimes i feel i look chubby.
But i don't think about it too much.
i'm just enjoying my life.
yeah, there's still the bullying and yeah people look at me funny since they know about my problem.
but i can live with that.
i wouldn't change what i have now for the world.
dying to be thin nearly ended my life.
the doctors didn't think i'd make it.
and now i realise that nothing could make me wanna do that again.

for all those people out there who are struggeling - you can do it.
you just need realisation that you're NOT fat.
there's NO perfect body type out there
& seriously, EVERYONE is PERFECT
listen to that - i didn't and it almost ruined my life.
don't let it ruin yours too
xxx

Hi,

You are 'recovered' now, are you? I think that what happened to you is common across all mental illness: The sufferer doesn't realise the magnitude of the problem until it's too late. Reasons for this include a fear of no-one understanding their problems, I guess. I have had bulimia now for around 4 years but it's under control. Despite having Bulimia, I managed to get my weight down to as low as 9 stone once, and I'm a 6 foot-tall guy with big bones. I'm now 10 stone which is still in the lower weight range for a guy my height.

Everyone really is perfect in some way or another... ...and girls are very beautiful creations. Don't listen to what the beauty magazines say. Most guys don't even find girls who wear tonnes of make-up and fake-tan attractive anyway.