TW x Living with Ana x TW

I was reading my personal file that contains all my health documents and going over the various psychological reports given to me over the years. Through this I have realised that I have lived with Ana for nearly 14 years of my life from official dx and probably longer. Since the start, the past two weeks have been the longest that I have ever gone without acting on ED behaviours (not including clinics).

I don't understand what a healthy relationship with food is like because I don't think I can recall a time when I had it.

I think it probably started when my mum started to go down hill and made dinner for my father when he came home but all the other days she refused to look after us and feed us. Especially her daughters. I think I went through a good solid 6 months of being fed only cheese on a slice of toast, pieces of cucumber and cold meat and surviving only when she cooked for my father or when he commented that we were looking a little thin and at that point she would force us to drink supplement drinks. She got better every now and then and she looked after us properly but that time still haunts me and I feel like I don't deserve care.

Random tangent. I'm tired of living with Ana all the time.