by ashling » Tue Jun 26, 2018 9:03 pm
Lately I've been feeling really intense urges to restrict my food intake, over exercise, and count calories. I've been fighting it off but some days my body dysphoria is too much to handle. I'm really proud that it's been so long since I've restricted to the point of needing medical care, but I still have a ton of bad habits to break. I've come a long way but my diet is still so rigid and while I try hard to balance it all out, I don't have much experience eating healthy. I wish I could go back and teach myself recipes and self love and body positivity from a young age. Cooking healthy meals for myself feels like such a painful process and I wish it were easier for my brain to organize grocery trips, cook, and eat food. Also, I've been working out again and it's always a slippery slope. I just keep trying to tell myself that I wasn't even happy or content with my body at the peak of my disorder, so I might as well be a healthy weight even if I'm unwell every now and then, right?