Hello

Hello, I don’t know if I’m on the right board...but I think I have eating problems...

I was not a good looking kid back when I was in my school years...and people would constantly remind me of my size and looks...that was something happened a long long time ago and I don’t blame myself but puberty.

Now I’m at my 20s, got a job in Banking, do makeups, dress nice, hardworking...still mental...

I have never told anyone I know on all of those mental things I did/had...so I am just hoping that I will gain some support here / at least looking at other posts makes me feel like I am not alone - I have a little history of OCD, depression, self harm and diagnosed suicidal...and I thought I had overcome all of them (at least none of them relapse, clear for half year)...thought I was getting better...

And now I start to have problems in eating...

I forget how to eat...I skip meals too often. And whenever I eat a meal I feel bloated and full, like really full and really really guilty - then I will excuse myself, to the bathroom and empty my stomach in a messy way. It have been months, and it’s getting more and more difficult and now it’s out of control, and now I think it’s a problem.

Obsessed with the numbers, like looking at the Market Index but from an opposite direction. I never thought ‘looks’ matter, but I do enjoy the ‘compliments’ and enjoy the feeling of being ‘in control’. Have you guys ever thinks that perhaps Ana / Mia - to some extend belongs to the OCD family? Like ‘must do this’ ‘must get this’ ‘world’s gonna end’ ‘I’m a loser’...

Just now, I looked at the mirror and I can’t believe that’s myself standing in front of the mirror. Not only the numbers are wrong, the calculations are wrong, the feeling is wrong, I look...yucky...and wrong...(loose skin and bones and bones and bones)

That was too much, I am sorry I am so so sorry. Why always me...What should I do now?

Hello. If you have been eating little for a long time, eventually your stomach shrinks a bit and that will mean that when you do eat, you will feel bloated and full. It's good you can recognise that you feel guilty and that this is the feeling that is leading you to empty your stomach. You have recognised too that you are feeling like it's a problem.

The first step to getting things a bit more under control again is to speak to your general doctor and find out what treatments might be available to you. People opt for lots of different options depending on how their physical health is going and on what types of treatments might suit them. If you speak to your doctor, this is the best option because then they can check your general health. In some instances some people with low body weight or certain types of nutritional deprivation might need medical supervision because there can be risks to starting to suddenly eat a lot more. People might opt for other treatments to help the thought processes too such as seeing a psychologist or joining a support group.

Do you think talking to your general doctor about this is something you could manage? Lots of people find it challenging to consider letting someone else know about their habits. The doctors are there to help though, so if you can work up the courage, it could be a good benefit to you.