Helping people with anorexia

I have a friend whose a purge type anorexic. He's been seeing an eating disorder specialist for several months. He's doing pretty good, I had a panic attack a couple of weeks ago where he wanted to purge because he thought I was going to kill myself.

What are some general tips to help those with anorexia. I try not to do things to hurt him. Him and me and his therapist sat down, and she suggested we try not to be close for awhile, since our individual issues are conflicting with each other and we're not in a position to support each other. I've been gone for a couple of months and we've been out of contact for the most part. I'm just trying to rebuild my relationship with him.

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I try to (a) keep up the contact and make it about "normal" everyday things and (b) avoid words or subject matter that might be triggers.

My friend is in treatment. She doesn't give up a lot of details in response to direct questioning, but things come out in bits and pieces if we're having "normal" conversations. I try to remember those and over time I am slowly getting a better idea of what is done in her treatment. I think that then influences how I treat her in a positive way.

She has a lot of trouble staying focused. Occasionally she will tell me she is having body image issues without any more description than that, but I am recognizing that she discloses it to me when she is trying to get something done and cannot stay focused. I now try to pay attention to that as an indirect request for help. I will call her or go to her and get the conversation onto whatever it is she supposed to be focused on (something for work) and try to help her organize her thoughts toward that task. I think it helps both in getting her task done and in distracting her from the disturbing thoughts.

-- Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:55 pm --

I try to (a) keep up the contact and make it about "normal" everyday things and (b) avoid words or subject matter that might be triggers.

My friend is in treatment. She doesn't give up a lot of details in response to direct questioning, but things come out in bits and pieces if we're having "normal" conversations. I try to remember those and over time I am slowly getting a better idea of what is done in her treatment. I think that then influences how I treat her in a positive way.

She has a lot of trouble staying focused. Occasionally she will tell me she is having body image issues without any more description than that, but I am recognizing that she discloses it to me when she is trying to get something done and cannot stay focused. I now try to pay attention to that as an indirect request for help. I will call her or go to her and get the conversation onto whatever it is she supposed to be focused on (something for work) and try to help her organize her thoughts toward that task. I think it helps both in getting her task done and in distracting her from the disturbing thoughts.

My advice is not to try to "help" too much, actually. One of the reasons people develop eating disorders (like all other addictions) is because they feel incapable of managing and coping with their lives. The most useful thing you can do is let him take responsibility for things, don't try to protect or take care of him, expect him to be strong and competent. Let him be an adult so that he can remember that he's capable of it and that it actually feels good to take control of your own life.

I think allowing someone to own their actions and feelings is good. But everyone needs to be taken care of from time to time, and everyone needs support, especially with something as big as an eating disorder/addiction/other mental illness. It's okay to support someone as long as it's not co-dependent or causing negative ramifications for you. There just needs to be a happy medium.

gratteciel wrote:I think allowing someone to own their actions and feelings is good. But everyone needs to be taken care of from time to time, and everyone needs support, especially with something as big as an eating disorder/addiction/other mental illness. It's okay to support someone as long as it's not co-dependent or causing negative ramifications for you. There just needs to be a happy medium.

I totally agree with the "happy medium" idea. I guess what I''m getting at is that you want to make sure you're helping in a way that is supportive, as opposed to in a way that enables or unwittingly reinforces the behavior.

So I'm doing a good job, awesome