by daria » Tue Jun 22, 2010 6:54 am
I was diagnosed with anorexia at age 12, but recovered quickly and maintained a pretty healthy weight until age 19, when I relapsed and was forced to take a medical leave from college. Once again, I recovered quickly, and I will be returning to school in the fall. I find that it is always easy to do what I'm told and return to a normal weight, but the poor self image remains. I don't think that I'm fat - in fact, I've never thought that I'm fat - but sometimes I fell that since I feel that I am flawed/ugly in other ways, I want to at least be skinny.
I'm starting to get over this distorted thinking and beginning to realize that being skinny isn't going to make me feel better about myself. I feel that my body is not normal - and there is objective evidence to support this - I have been on birth control for several years now because I have NEVER gotten my period naturally, even though I maintained a normal weight for six years. I also have a round stomach which protrudes disproportionately to the rest of my body (this is not an illusion of mine, friends and family who I have shown it to agree. I started to notice it around age 17 and it's gotten worse recently. It was there before I lost weight, while I was underweight, and after I returned to a normal weight. Nobody knows what's causing it) I am afraid that I somehow permanently stunted my growth at age 12, because even now, at age 20 and a healthy weight, I don't menstruate and don't have the figure of an adult woman. This doesn't seem possible, because even at age 12 my anorexia was not severe (I wasn't hospitalized), but I can't shake the notion that all of these medical problems are somehow my fault.
I was just wondering, can anyone comment on/relate to my experience? Does anyone else have issues with their stomach? Has anyone else been recovered for a very long time but still not menstruated?