What can I say to comfert/help my girlfriend?

Hi Everyone,

I recently meet the most wonderful women in my life and we have been dating and have been very close. She has Anorexia and thankfully has been doing very well with her disorder.

About 3 weeks ago she realized she gained some weight. She doesn't weigh herself but when she noticed something didn't fit her she did weigh herself and was at a higher end of what her goal range weight is. This goal weight was set by her PCP and her eating disorder therapist. It's not a goal weight per say but a general range of what her body type should be to be well. When she knew she was over some boy did she let her doctors have it!

There have been some nights when she gets very very upset and tells me she's fat. She's also been very upset that she has a very hard time now restricting. She used to be able to restrict and not have the type of hunger and sickness she gets.

Since she's doing well and is at her doctors goal weight range I frequently let her know how hot she is, how pretty and beautiful she is, which is all 100% true. If she started loosing weight in an unhealthy way I would not say anything about her body so not to encourage her weight loss.

When ever she gets upset and tells me she's fat I use a calm voice and tell her it's not true and she's not fat. She lets me know she understands that she doesn't look fat to me. I tell her how I wish I could show her how she really looks. When she gets really upset I hold her and comfort her.

When she tells me things like she want's to loose a large amount of weight I tell her things like I would be worried sick about you which she reply's that's what everyone tells me. I have told her I don't want to see the most beautiful person I have ever met get sick. I have also told her I'll be
with her no matter what.

Now I have looked up on the internet thing's not to say to someone with an eating disorder and thankfully I never said anything mentioned.

What I can't seem to find is things I could say to help my girlfriend. I have some things I have said that I mentioned above but I'm wondering what else could I say that may help her.

Could anyone out there with an eating disorder (Anorexia/Bulimia) tell me what other people have told you that helped you out?

Thanks All!

CloseAndConcerned

I would try to focus on the health element, when an anorexic asks you if she is fat, and you say no, there might be small comfort, but you are feeding in a endless loop, she will never have asked enough times, and no matter what you say, she will always think "well I'd be prettier if I was thinner" or something to that effect, essentially there is no winning in regard to comments on appearance. Also tell her that she is incredibly brave to seek treatment, and that you are proud of her, and that you hope one day she will be able to fully unencumbered by the constant overwhelming anxiety that anorexia creates. Tell her that her worrying makes you worry, and that all you want for her is to be comfortable. F she threatens to restrict or really want to lose weight, remind her that what she's doing is not only unhealthy but dangerous, and it makes you just as concerned as someone talking about making a habit of crossing the street without looking (or something to that effect). Essentially, focus on health, if you can, and remind her of how concerned/worried her behavior makes YOU feel. Often anorexics have very little concern for their own health, because they are essentially self destructive, but they can most definitely empathize, especially with people who are very close to them.

Geegee wrote:I would try to focus on the health element, when an anorexic asks you if she is fat, and you say no, there might be small comfort, but you are feeding in a endless loop, she will never have asked enough times, and no matter what you say, she will always think "well I'd be prettier if I was thinner" or something to that effect, essentially there is no winning in regard to comments on appearance. Also tell her that she is incredibly brave to seek treatment, and that you are proud of her, and that you hope one day she will be able to fully unencumbered by the constant overwhelming anxiety that anorexia creates. Tell her that her worrying makes you worry, and that all you want for her is to be comfortable. F she threatens to restrict or really want to lose weight, remind her that what she's doing is not only unhealthy but dangerous, and it makes you just as concerned as someone talking about making a habit of crossing the street without looking (or something to that effect). Essentially, focus on health, if you can, and remind her of how concerned/worried her behavior makes YOU feel. Often anorexics have very little concern for their own health, because they are essentially self destructive, but they can most definitely empathize, especially with people who are very close to them.

Thanks for you help Geegee!

Thinking about the endless loop of saying your not fat just gave me an idea, I'll state the obvious and tell her she has an incredibly hot body right now (while looking at her).

Thankfully she has a great team of people available for her to see weekly and text them when she's restricting/upset and she does try really hard to take their advice. I wish everyone had the type of support she has.

The good thing is she doesn't hide anything from me.

I will really try to focus on health but can never tell her she looks healthy, I found out that healthy = fat to a good amount of people with eating disorders. But I can mention going so long without food scares me and has me worried since her body isn't meant to be without food for so long.

Thanks Again!