Am I anorexic?

R91 you are just in denial. Its a defense mechanism. Look it up on wikipedia and understand how it works.

In brief though here is my version for the moment.

Denial is a defense mechanism of wanting the problem just go away by itself, without you having to do anything at all. Its a refusal to accept that there is a problem. Its the inability to recognise the seriousness of the problem and to realise that the only thing to do is to get off your bum and take action because it will not go away by itself.

Its a shutting down mechanism. Meanwhile you anxiety is likely to rise because deep down you know there is a problem. Your anxiety will cause you lots of immediate pain. And your overall problems will increase.

I hope you can break through and not continue in denial. I hope you will work cooperatively with your therapists. But if you decide not to, then when other problems come to the surface eg depression or anxiety, i hope you know what you have to do in order to resolve those problems - eg tackle the eating disorder.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks for your help fiftysix. Unfortunately, I think you are right about denial.

I'm still refusing to accept being 'anorexic' because that label just doesn't seem to fit me, but there is SOMETHING wrong because as I was thinking of ways to gain weight today and actively trying, I just realised I didn't really want to do it. So now I'm thinking about what to do with my resistance. Thinking of trying to see my psychiatrist earlier and possibly head to an AA meeting if my temptation to drink still remains, but that's difficult due to work and college commitments.

In the meanwhile, and this goes out to everyone here, I'd love to hear about all of your experiences here with how you managed to overcome the initial denial and resistance of not even wanting to gain weight? Could really use some inspiration!

Ok more thinking today. This is what I've come up with:

My name is R91 and I have an eating disorder. I don't want it to get worse. So I'm going to work really hard to get better.

That's all I've got time to increase my food intake!

Bravo. I don't know the answer to your last question but i think it probably important to keep an eye on your stress and anxiety levels because whenever these rise, it seems to trigger and increase in our usual symptoms. So on the whole try to keep doing the right things and keep a positive outlook. Keep going to therapy, even when you are being most resistive. Don't stop going to therapy. Be honest with them always. Whatever the truth is always be honest with your therapist.

Thank you fiftysix! (I'm still R91, I just changed my username. Long story.)

Is anyone here past the first stages of recovery? I've got a loooot of questions about the physical effects of recovery but I don't want to post them all over the site in case of triggers.

coffee12345 wrote:In the meanwhile, and this goes out to everyone here, I'd love to hear about all of your experiences here with how you managed to overcome the initial denial and resistance of not even wanting to gain weight? Could really use some inspiration!

I have problems with this. It isn't until I'm past the dangerous phases of an eating disorder that I realize how serious it was and that it was, indeed, a problem. Most of the time (I've had several full relapses and recoveries) it starts to get bad and then I ask for help, never fully believing that it's really that bad. There's guilt involved in needing that attention.

My own denial is overcome by the need to repair and stop the physical damage. The eating disorder has done some serious damage to my body over time and my constitution gets weaker each time. Knowing that I'm on the way to a cardiac illness, causing medical complications in my sinuses, ruining my teeth, etc, is usually enough to lessen or stop some of the behaviours. That, coupled with my treatment team and some CBT, helps me overcome some of the resistance. It tends to happen in little steps. Gaining weight is the hardest, I think, because self-worth and anxiety is linked to the number on the scale. That's where the CBT comes into play the most.

So basically I look at recovery as gaining strength, not losing control. It takes a while to get to that mentality though.

Feel free to make new topics if you need to!

You guys are actually amazing. I probably would have kept denying that anything was wrong if it weren't for all of you. Thank you.