I am new and need some help

I don't understand how someone can recover and live a normal life. I feel so different. It's been about a year now, after going through 3 clinics and thinking I would never get better, I have pulled through for about a year, and doing very well.
But im not doing well anymore, I can't stand myself, and i do not feel comfortable in my own skin, I am going down hill and i DO NOT WANT TO. Now i am back home with my parents and sisters. Looking at my sisters makes me ill, there all beutiful. Ones a singer, the baby is awesome and great photographer, and The other is the life of the party everyone is always interested in her life. And me, I am supposed to be the oldest, but I have not set a good example, I fell as though i am the screw up of the family and want to turn it around so bad. I went to college and thought that would help me, but now coming home is just making me worse. How can I get through my life withought insequrities? How can I look at myself in the mirror and be satisfied instead of thinking that losing weight will make me a better person?
please please help me understand how someone can recover from this and never look back?

dont worry you can get over this.

for me my eating disorder was giving my something to aim for, something to control and something to give structure to my life. maybe that is why you are jealous of your sisters: one has singing and one has photography. You need to find something that is important to you and that you can aim for. You tried college but maybe you should find something you are more passionate about. Dont say 'but im useless and cant do anything' because that is not true. Even if you dont seem to have any outstanding talents now think of something youd like to get better at and work towards it - sport helped me a lot becuase if i was too thin i was too weak and losing got me down. I wouldnt go for singing or photography tho cos youll just compare yourself to your sisters again - maybe sport (team sports are good cos more friendly and less pressure) art, music, anything

also, do you have a boyfriend? - for me falling in love made me realise that my weight didnt matter and that being healthy was more important than being thin. do you spend a lot of time with your friends? this will give you a feeling of attachment and belonging. if you've found that you have lost contact with friends while in the clinic then maybe youll find some new ones if you find yourself a club to join or something

i really hope this helps, try to stay positive because if your family really are the great people you describe then im sure they love you and will support you, and wont judge you on your abilities to sing or take pictures and least of all your weight

xxx