Need Help To Stop Blaming Someone Else For My Problems

When I was little, I would spend summers with my aunt and uncle. My uncle would walk around naked and make me look at him, and if I didn't he would put his penis close to my face. He would also make me walk around naked while he laughed at me, usually about how small my penis was.

I hate him so much, just thinking about him makes me almost go into a rage. Last time he came over I had to go outside because I was afraid I was going to kill him.

I completely despise my penis. I don't like looking at it or touching it. I'm also bi, leaning more towards gay, but when I see a picture of a naked man I start thinking about my uncle making me look at him naked.

I know these things aren't his fault though. How can I stop blaming him?

So sorry to hear about what you went through. By the lack of replies, you are not the only one with that problem.

It can take a long time to stop blaming and let go of your anger. He did things that were wrong and hurt you, but that is over now. Realize that by holding onto your anger and bitterness you are disrupting the quality of your life now. Your internal anger and unrest hurts you the most, not him.

Understand 100% that what happened was in no way your fault. You were the child, he was the adult and what happened was wrong. I agree that your feelings now are not his fault. No one can make you feel anything, though it seems some people push you toward your negative feels more so than others. I’d keep my distance from him, as you say you did.

Understand that he is a flawed person. Something may well have happened to him in his childhood to damage him. Maybe his coping skills are such he didn't know how to control himself better. We don’t know the specific reasons but there are reasons. In no way does this excuse what he did. I just think that by knowing that there are reasons why people do the things they do, it can help us understand the situation enough to move past it.

It will take time to stop blaming him for your feelings. Forgive yourself if you can’t let go of your anger yet. Take it one day, one moment at a time. Keeping your cool, lets you take back control of your mind, from him and from the past.

As they say, living well is the best revenge. Show him he did not damage you by working to have the most amazing life you can possibly have. Let that be your focus, not him.

I'll never forgive him. I want him dead. Lock this thread.

zeubermensch wrote:I'll never forgive him. I want him dead. Lock this thread.

You shouldn't forgive him. This is causing you stress and there are two reactions to stress: fight or flight. You've been running all of your life so far, time to start fighting if you're ever going to get any resolution to this.

He deserves to suffer for his abuse.

Tell the police - it doesn't matter if there's evidence or not, what you're trying to do is cause him stress for the situation.
Tell him you're going to tell his family what he did.
Tell them.
Tell your parents.
Confront him.
Make him take responsibility for his actions.