Scared

Hi,

My dad has had issues dealing with his anger for as long as I remember.

His responses to frustration are just off the wall. I could go on and on with examples of this. Just a month ago, a man stepped out in front of the car when he was driving, and he stopped for the man, then started hitting the steering wheel with his fists and slammed the accelerator down (on a residential street at that) until my mom yelled at him to stop. Occasionally, he apologizes for scaring us, but I don't think he's really sorry, or he'd do something so he does not do this to us again.

He has violent fantasies, and he is almost constantly acting them out. If not every day of my life, then almost every day, I have seen him punching the air and pretending to yell at people who've made him angry. He doesn't even try to hide his fantasizing from us, which tells me he thinks this is perfectly normal.

Once in a while, he turns his anger on us, his family. When he's angry with someone, he yells. The last time he hurt one of us badly was almost 4 years ago, but the time before that was around 9 years ago--a 5-year gap between the two incidents. The fact that he has not hurt anyone for several years means nothing to me. I am not even trying to convince myself that he will not hurt anyone again. My mom told him she will throw him out the next time it happens, and now is convinced that it won't. But I know my dad loses his mind when he's angry. I don't think even dire consequences like that will not stop him when he's angry.

My mom is afraid of confronting him about his anger, and frankly, so am I. Things have actually gotten better in recent years (he doesn't throw things anymore), and my mom desperately doesn't want to make things worse. I know he still needs treatment, but I don't know how to get it to him. I will be moving out of the house within the next 5 yrs, and I need to know that my mom and my sister are going to be OK when I leave them here.

Yahoo1225, it sounds like you're right to be concerned. How old is your sister? If he ever hurts her, call the police on him. It might be the only way to get him to stop. He's responsible for his actions, but your mother shouldn't put her children in this position. Do you have any relatives who understand what you're going through and might be willing to help?

Thanks, jasmin. It's good to know I'm not overreacting. My sister is thirteen. I am trying to think of who I can talk to about this. I talked to my aunt, but she doesn't know what to do either. If I have anymore questions, I will definitely let you know. Thanks again.

Talk to your regular doctor, a social worker or someone from school/college (a counselor or maybe even a teacher). Ask them to help.
Please tell me what is going on.

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope everything works out!