Need help

So I'm not sure if this is ok to post here but here goes.

I have some problems controlling anger right now towards some cats that belong to my boyfriend. To be fair they're pretty aweful sometimes breaking into food and stuff like that. But I've gotten violent with them and over react in punishing them. Sometimes I've even started going at them for not reason and I dont know why.

Honestly I hate this, I just get angry and I don't know why this is happening. I was the type of person who would never hurt a fly before this.

Any advice on how to improve or get better?? I think I might somehow be getting addicted to it or something - I read an article here that says that's possible so now I'm worried

Sandie, please inform your boyfriend of this so he can do something about the cats, so that they won't trigger you and you won't end up hurting them more.
It does sound like you have anger issues. You have to talk to a therapist, this could have a deep root and it could get worse and worse. You have to get help now that you have things somewhat under control and you haven't done anything illegal or horribly cruel. It's bad that you feel like you're getting addicted to it. Please let me know how you're doing.

Thank you jasmin for your reply

I have informed my boyfriend a while back actually. He was unwilling to do anything to change things earlier on then things got worse. At first when I needed space from them he'd refuse to put them in another "room" - all we had was a closet for them. I basically either had to leave my home or deal with the feelings, was also going through a rough time in many other ways... long story.

The cats break into rooms (we're in a bigger place now), we baricade the door but if I forget one of them runs and hides under the bed and if I leave him there he chews my computer chords and the like.


I'm doing ok with it right now - no major incidents but I hate being the person that has done this kind of thing and am afraid that another problem is around the corner.

What do you think a therapist would do/talk about? I won't be able to talk to mine for a bit over 2 months because I"ll be travelling

They might try to figure out if anything happened in your past that could be responsible for all this anger, like someone bullying or assaulting you, I would think. Maybe you were punished with violence and anger as a child. Then they could help you work through it and heal the emotional scars.
I have a cat who does a lot of naughty stuff, he chews on chords, wakes me up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning, steals food. I used to get quite angry too until I realized he was doing some things for attention and affection. They don't know better, kitties. If you give them a cuddle they might behave better. But, yah, the best thing to do is seeing your therapist about this.

thanks for this Jasmine. It's nice to know someone is actually keeping an open mind to this =D

My mother did do some things to punish us as a child. More verbal than physical but I guess I take that for granted and still wasn't thinking how much it could translate into this issue. Thank goodness I have not been assaulted.

What do you do to keep your cats off your chords, out of curiosity? I used to try to give them attention but they just get worse... They're my boyfriends cats but he never plays with them. One cat is overlicking himself so the fur is all coming off and I've been asking for him to start playing with them and/or bring that one to a vet for almost a year now. I've just run out of patience for the situation I guess - I feel like they're not my responsibility because they're not my cats? And one needs so much attention - he wants 24 hour love and I just can't give any at this point is how I feel anyways xD

Is it possible that the frustration you feel toward the cats might actually be frustration because of your boyfriend? You're right, he should show them love and attention and take them to the doctor. These cats are being neglected and his attitude is frustrating you too. People send signals that they don't care about anyone in their house, when they do stuff like this (neglecting pets and expecting others to put up with it)... Don't take my word for it necessarily, but I can relate. Maybe you feel a bit neglected and unloved by him or something. Maybe you're finding yourself in the same situation you were in while growing up and that's why it's so hard to take.
Please talk to someone who could take the cat to the vet, if you can't do it, he doesn't deserve to suffer and it sounds like he could be ill. Maybe the other one needs a visit too, if it's an illness, since he/she spends time with the other kittie.
I let (make) the rest of my family look after them too and I try to make taking care of them a joint activity. You could offer to take the cat to the vet with your boyfriend and then help him give the cat the treatment if it's necessary. It would force him to accept some responsibility and maybe it would make you feel a bit better.
Maybe you kind of identify with these cats, because you've been despised, neglected and bullied too, so you're taking it all out on them to take back some power and because it's what you were taught to do.
A nice therapist could help you work through it, like I said (if you can get one), but please think of the poor animals too and try to show them some compassion even though you're frustrated right now.

Jasmin thank you for being so helpful, it means a lot to me.

I'll see what I can do about the cats. I'm not even sure which vet they normally go to - maybe I could help by giving them a ride and have my boyfriend pay me back. I'll be gone 2 months though, starting next week so it may have to be after then, we'll see.


I do have some frustration centred at my boyfriend. He has some issues too - getting things done is hard for him. He's also trying to decide what he's doing with his life but right now he's working a low wage job, and not working towards the "next step" whatever that is. So I'm frustrated that he's at this standstill and not making too many changes - that he's not taking care of himself let alone his cats.


Also with the cats I think my anger comes from a kind of messed up source. I have not mentioned here, but I went through a mental health crisis a 2 years ago now. I was forced to take a leave of absence from school due to "depression" but it wasn't just depression. I was having weird things like flashbacks too, and I guess what some would call psychotic/manic symptoms. And I didn't have a decent therapist at the time to help - I was going through school counseling. During that time I was confused and thought one of the cats was the "sister" cat I lost 5 or 6 years ago until I got close enough to see that it wasn't her, and then I got angry. And during that time I had an even shorter temper for chord chewing - I guess that's when the bad habits started. So I guess I'm just messed up, but that's what I can think of that starts some of the anger. lately there hasn't been that connection though, it's *just* been anger and not any other mental symptoms

Sadie, you've been through a lot and you didn't get the help you needed back then, it's understandable to have some anger. To be honest, it sounds like your boyfriend might be depressed. Has he ever had professional help too?

You could make him come along to the vet. Maybe he needs a bit of a push to get his life together.

Yes I do think he has some combination of depression + anxiety. In high school about 6-8 years ago he was diagnosed with dysthemia but since then he has not received any treatment. I've been trying to get him to go to therapists but he doesn't like them, says they don't work for him. I honestly think its a mix of low grade depression combined with anxiety over getting things done and a few other things that causes him to be unable to complete some simple tasks.


So far, after lots of pushing he's been to the doctor for his "attention problems" (he thinks his worst problem is attention) - doctor gave him ADD meds which boyfriend does not use. He went to one therapy appointment about a year ago and never went back because it "wasn't working". Of course therapy takes months to work so

i also agree consiling could maybe help. i have anger issues but around traffic and driving, and i've been seeing someone for it and it has helped. not fixed, but helped, to give techniques that can help you get past the rouhg times. sometimes i want to honk and scream but i try not to coz it doesn't help anything really.

some pets are better behaved than others yeah but in the end it's our repsonsibility to care for them because they dependon us for that. we owe them that much i think