Mad Anger

Both sides of my parents families have anger problems, my father being one of the worst. I have inherited that trait. There are times where I would just barely contain myself from beating up my own mother. Hitting back after my father has hit me. There has been countless times as a young girl where people had pushed me, or taunted me, and before I knew it, I was punching their lights out, tears in my eyes, not from the pain of being bullied, or even the throbbing of my fist, but because I was so angry. There was a few weeks ago, when my little sister went into the bathroom, while I was in there, brushing my teeth. She called me something, I don't even remember, and I slapped her, and put my hand on her throat and squeezed. After a few seconds, I realized what I had been doing, and let go of her.

She was sobbing, but the door was closed so no one could really hear her, they were all downstairs. "You tried to kill me!" she screeched, her eyes wide in horror, as tears spilled over her cheeks. And I calmed her down and swore her to secrecy, because I knew that I would get the same treatment from my father, if not worse, had he known. I was shocked with myself. I put a hand on my little sisters throat, intending to suffocate her. I had been able to control it for a while, but I'm still afraid of what I might do if someone angers me. I don't know what to do to change this, and I was wondering if someone had any advice.

when I was younger i was the exact same as you, I couldn't control my anger and then afterwards I felt so bad because of what I said or did. I'm not like that now but there are times I can feel the anger rising up inside me and it still scares me because of what I'm capable of doing. I don't have any advice unfortunately because the way I've learned to control my anger is by taking it out on myself which really isn't the best way to deal with it. Maybe you could talk to your parents or even show them what you wrote on here.

edited.

thank you both for your words, and I shall take them to heart, and get help for my anger problems. Thank you again.

i know you said that your father hits you, my mother also used to hit me sometimes when she'd get angry but when i took the time to explain to her that i, for the most part couldn't control my anger and her getting angry as well didn't help the situation, things got a little better. i thoght that maybe if you showed what you wrote on here then your parents might realise that you and your father both need help with controling your anger.

He gets it. He tries. But sometimes, that isn't enough. And if I had shown my mother this, she would have told my father. It is the way things are between them. And then he would try, but it wouldn't be enough. I cannot confront my father about this. Probably because of fear, but also because its not needed. In a sense, it is. But my mother tries and he tries, and there's no use in reminding him, because that would make matters worse, for both him and me. Maybe one day I might, But otherwise, I think not. But it is sound advice, and I do take it to heart and thank you.