Childhood Bullying

I’m curious how many of you who deal with anger issues as adults were bullied, teased or rejected excessively as children? This is something I struggled with on an almost daily basis throughout most of my childhood and teens. I know people say that everyone gets picked on as a kid, but it’s so much different when you’re getting berated and tormented day in and day out, year after year.

All I ever heard when I was growing up was how stupid or ugly I was. My peers made it their mission to remind me of these things on a daily basis. The teachers didn’t care. Hell, some of them seemed to encourage it. I almost never spoke up or fought back. I learned that doing so would only instigate more attacks that I was too ill equipped to handle. Either that, or a teacher would overhear me and I would be the one to get punished. (I also learned you can treat people like garbage just so long as you don’t use curse words.)

I realize that to most people it’s silly to be upset over something that happened so long ago. I should have moved on by now, but I still seethe with anger when I think about the way I was mistreated. I believe those years of childhood bullying have fed an intense inferiority complex. I become very depressed and enraged whenever I feel someone is mocking or disrespecting me. (You can imagine how well this goes over in customer service!) I hate to be made to feel ugly or stupid. I tend to fantasize about revenge, probably because I never stood up for myself in the past and I can’t stand the idea of someone getting away with mistreating me now.

Anyway, I’m just wondering if anyone else’s anger might have manifested in this manner.

I was bullied a lot,but I think it just has made me indifferent to people. I don't get angry often. Yeah I know..so what am I doing in an anger management forum? I saw the Chilhood bullying thing on the home page. XD. Anyway, yeah it has definitely affected me. Mainly making me want to stay away from most people and just not wanting to interact wtih them instead of making me angry. Different people have different reactions to it I suppose.

I was bullied a lot during my school years. Our family moved around a lot so I never had to put up with it for very long, but I just remember thinking at the time "If you had to put up with what I do at home, you'd die!" I'm angry about it now looking back on it, but the main thing I'm angry about is that I didn't stick up for myself, and that my home wasn't a safe place - I had no respite! I'd be bullied at school, then go home and be bullied there. I actually turned into a bully myself later on in school (which I'm ashamed of - I had no right!) and now I find it really hard to control my rage at people who I feel are treating me unfairly.

I never stood up for myself in the past and I can’t stand the idea of someone getting away with mistreating me now.

That's it exactly, I couldn't have put it better myself! It's coloured all my relationships as an adult (the few I've had) I always have to wear the pants, it's been years since I've been with anyone, and I don't see it happening again any time soon.

I like your quote RV. ^w^ Just had to say that.

In my case I definitely believe being bullied alot in my high school years - as well as going through adult bullying experiences both when young and in later adult life has greatly contributed to my anger problems. There's times I have those kinds of revenge fantasies too and can definitely relate to the inferiority complex thing/being quick to anger when I perceive I'm being mocked, disrespected, criticised in some way (or when I actually am). This is something I really want to get past. Much easier said than done when you don't know how though.

Nightowl9910 wrote:In my case I definitely believe being bullied alot in my high school years - as well as going through adult bullying experiences both when young and in later adult life has greatly contributed to my anger problems. There's times I have those kinds of revenge fantasies too and can definitely relate to the inferiority complex thing/being quick to anger when I perceive I'm being mocked, disrespected, criticised in some way (or when I actually am). This is something I really want to get past. Much easier said than done when you don't know how though.

This is something I really want to work on as well. I’ve been toying around with meditation, but haven’t been doing it consistently or with any great depth.

I ruminate too much on revenge or being victimized. I want to be the kind of person who can just let go and move on, but I have great difficulty doing that. It almost makes me feel like the same pathetic loser who didn’t stand up for herself when she was younger and I’m allowing someone to get away with mistreating me. If someone treats me like garbage, I want there to be justice.

I feel like a pushover sometimes since I'm such a peace maker. I kinda wish I did get mad and want to ring some necks. Instead when someone says something mean or does something or just does something I think is mean, I ignore it but feel hurt inside :C. I have to learn to stand up! wooh! Stand up and be assertive. Assertive, not necessarily aggressive.

I've thought a lot about this subject, and I have concluded that the best way to deal with bullies, critics, and naysayers is by doing the following:

--Show love to others even if they are imperfect or ignorant of your situation. Some people genuinely may not understand your situation and will change their tune...others will not. However,...
--Do not cease to set the record straight, to explain things clearly to others and correct their misconceptions about you or your behavior.
--Express anger in a controlled fashion and when appropriate.
--There are many people who, regardless of what you say, will ridicule you. They will twist what you say and turn it against you. In this circumstance, the best bet is to "not cast your pearls before swine." That is, don't give those people the time of day who are not open to accepting you.
--Pray for those who make fun of you. What credit is it to a man who only loves those who love him?

These principles obviously were best demonstrated by Jesus Christ. If you have a relationship with Him, He will be with you through the rough times and give you hope. Everyone was created for a purpose and, as it turns out, some of the most beautiful human beings are misunderstood, rejected, and ridiculed.

Because of my upbringing, I tried to treat people how I would like to have been treated. I considered myself to be popular during certain stages of my life, but then very unpopular during others. However, I know that loving others and having self respect is the best policy...even if you're eating alone every day. In college, I received a multi-page letter from someone who used to be my best friend and ditched me for others. I had the feeling, too, that he talked behind my back. Anyhow, he wrote me a beautiful letter a few years ago asking for forgiveness and telling me how he wished he had remained my friend; how things would have turned out better for him. Few people will get letters like this, so that's why I'm sharing. Maybe the jerk who you're treating with respect doesn't have the courage to admit he is wrong.

Bullying is a difficult thing to deal with for anyone. But we must accept that if we truly live the lives we are meant to live than we should expect to be hated by some or, perhaps, by most. But we do have a father and friend in Jesus who gives us hope. Here are a few lines to meditate on. Please, too, stand up for others who are being ridiculed. By helping others in need and praying for those who feel that they have to hurt others to make themselves feel better, we sometimes forget about our own problems. One of the best sources of encouragement is the Sermon on the Mount.

"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." -Matthew 6:7

"For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?" -Matthew 5:46

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:25-34

"Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me." -Matthew 5:11

"The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." -Psalm 138:8

JGabriel wrote:
These principles obviously were best demonstrated by Jesus Christ. If you have a relationship with Him, He will be with you through the rough times and give you hope.

No.

I'm more or less an Atheist and I question whether Jesus Christ was even a real person as his story echoes the story of many others who came before him. The advice you gave in the beginning was good, but they certainly did not stem from the Christian faith alone. You can find such pearls of wisdom in a variety if religions and philosophies that pre-date that of Christ or exist counter to it.

I appreciate the response, but I also find "look to god" to be a helpful answer. I find it arrogant that one must believe in your higher power in order to obtain happiness. Sorry, no. I'm not going to believe because I simply don't.

agirlbyanyothername wrote:
This is something I really want to work on as well. I’ve been toying around with meditation, but haven’t been doing it consistently or with any great depth.

I ruminate too much on revenge or being victimized. I want to be the kind of person who can just let go and move on, but I have great difficulty doing that. It almost makes me feel like the same pathetic loser who didn’t stand up for herself when she was younger and I’m allowing someone to get away with mistreating me. If someone treats me like garbage, I want there to be justice.

Can totally relate to where you're coming from agirlbyanyothername. Including with the meditation. I've attempted a little concentrative meditation to try to break the rumination habit - but have never stuck with it. In my case I should probably try to put in more of an effort practice wise! Currently also hoping that therapy will help me with all this - though guess only time will tell.

JPKAS wrote:I feel like a pushover sometimes since I'm such a peace maker. I kinda wish I did get mad and want to ring some necks. Instead when someone says something mean or does something or just does something I think is mean, I ignore it but feel hurt inside :C. I have to learn to stand up! wooh! Stand up and be assertive. Assertive, not necessarily aggressive.

That's just how I used to be, for a long time. Unfortunately now I think I get pretty much the oppposite problem when someone says or does something mean. As it now happens that a strong desire to lash back aggressively takes over that I feel I can barely control - and at times don't. I really want to develop good assertiveness skills too, but unfortunately this is proving to be a current obstacle for me, as is also my passiveness at other times, in this area.