Hate for everyone

Hi i made this account here for the soul purpose of seeing if im a psycho or not...and id like some feedback from this

Ok here is my story...

when i was a little boy in my town no one has ever liked me i was always pushed around by other kids.
so i was always getting in fights in school and one time it got so bad a kid had to go to the emergancy room to get his nose repaired
he was bleeding alot...ever since i can remember people have shunned me out from everything almost...so basically ive always been alone and by myself. and then when i got to the age of 13 i moved because it got to out of hand... so when i got here ive learned to control my anger... but by doing that i was left with somthing new, ever since then ive hated "people" in general everyone i met i hated and all ive realy ever thought about doing is kinda killing everyone...not saying im gonna do it ever i have more self control than that...but people here have tried to get close to me so i looked to my brother for help and he said just act like ur happy with them...so i did and now its unbareable i cant stand it i acted normal in school for the first time in about a year everyone was shocked...and i just cant help it and all i wanna do is learn to stop thinking like this and relax and be a more peacefull person now but i cant seem to shake this feeling of pure hatred towards human kind....see this is one of the things ive been thinking
for some reason i cannot shake this feeling...

if anyone has a helping comment please post
or if u feel this way please post aswell i just feel alone...
i promise i would never kill somone this is just what ive been feeling so dont ever think im gonna murder people this was only put here because id like help...and to see if im just a psycho.


have a good day everyone

Hi there.
It makes sense that you are angry. Time and life experience will show you that not everyone is cruel and out abuse you. I think your wish to kill people is about you being angry at not being loved or noticed as being in need. What you went through was wrong. You should have been raised by loving people who protected you. But because the world seemed so unsafe, its like your in survival mode thinking "I will hurt you before you hurt me".
Not everyone is hurtful. There is a huge amount of kind people in the world. You just need to be careful and open in small degrees so that you feel safe before sharing your care. I hope you and your brother are close and stay that way.
With Hope,
One

mixx54 wrote:ever since i can remember people have shunned me out from everything almost...so basically ive always been alone and by myself.... ever since then ive hated "people" in general everyone i met i hated

Wow, I really relate to these feelings. I felt shunned as a young person and as I get older, it just seems to be snowballing! Obviously there's something really unattractive about me, and I just have to deal with it. It's very painful. Honestly, I don't mind being alone, but being *misunderstood* is awful.

Anyway, it helps me to think about a few things, when I get really mad at people:

1. Forgive them, for they know not what they do
2. It's not my business what they do, what they think, or how they feel about me. I am free to be myself, and they are free to be themselves. It's a fair bargain, actually!
3. Maybe I have something to learn from them! I want to grow and like myself more.


Can you identify the thoughts/beliefs which are behind the hatred that you feel? For me I realize that it's often a sense of exposure. I feel like everyone can see how defective I am and I hate them just for being there on the street because I don't want anyone to look at me! I hate people for forcing me to interact with them!!!

Good luck, and keep talking about it--

Agree with what bluedolphins said, except the part about something about people being unattractive in some way! while it can feel like that to you, is just that kids do pick up on things, they will always look for someone to pick on who was already being picked on in some way.

sometimes other kids sometimes didn't like me, or tried to pick on me and I'd end up beating them up too. My parents told me they were jealous because i was bright... but it was actually because my dad "trained" me to act in a way none of them could relate to, and made sure I was never able to learn to really be myself or let others get to know me. Later on, if you feel excluded, you end up excluding yourself.

sometimes i hate being misunderstood too - for me its because everything i said as a child was discounted if it wasn't "correct" so i felt like i was never heard or allowed to just exist as me.