help me..

listen i know that basically nobody is reading this but i need to tell someone anyone especially people that i have no connection to. its time for me to be honest.
i have friends i have family i have no real reason to be unhappy well maybe that's not the right word it more complex than that. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i guess i am a much better actor than i thought when people see me and am outgoing, happy, colorful, bouncy, joyful yes they see me in bad moods but everyone has bad moods. i am really worried and really scared i am so violent in my mind. i scare myself so much. i am so dark and depressed. i took an online quiz on a psychiatric website and it said I'm severely bipolar i mentioned it to my friends and they all said " I know" then dropped the subject. well i guess I'm stalling the point here i have cut up dolls i have a journal that has only dark and depressing thoughts. something happened at school about a week ago some idiot boy hid in the girls dressing room for a play we were preforming and later i got so mad at him i punched him i don't even remember what happened. then a huge facebook war started but that's not the point anyway i don't remember punching him. i was talking with my dad and he said he was really worried if i didn't remember punching him that's not a good thing because there have been stories of people who have murdered and not even remembered it. what if that happens to me one day. what if i lose control worse than ever. i already tell myself stories were i am the murderer and all sorts of horrible things my favorite movie is the movie Orphan were a little girl murders people and all my friends agree that i look very similar to her some of my friends even call me Esther witch is her name. I'm just really scared even with all my friends i have no one to REALLY talk to. it doesn't help that 1 of my friends is on anti depressants at age 13 two of my friends have been in mental hospitals. and that since there are like no girls at my school i spend most of my time with violent teen boys. i cant tell my parents i want no scratch that need to go to a psychiatrist we don't have the money right now I'm really really scared and don't know what to do.
i NEED help.
i feel like I'm on a breaking point.
i just don't know what I'm supposed to do any more.

...and tell me how you feel right now? - i.e. after having written the post. To me, you seem like a person who feels 'attacked' from many different angles. A lot seems to have happened recently to you. That Facebook account? - You can deactivate it temporarily, or pluck-up the courage to delete it permanently. It's possible to remove yourself from your current life and to begin a new one, if you so wish. You don't have to communicate with people that you don't want to. If they try to communicate with you, don't even read what they're trying to send (nor 'listen' to what they say).

I also seriously doubt that you're any kind of murderer or otherwise horrible person. Everyone in the world gets strange thoughts now and then, but some - like you and I - react in odd ways. We worry about the thoughts and then ponder them. You don't have to be depressing either. You can write positive things in your journal, and you do'nt have to cut-up dolls. In my view, the decisions that you have made, have been made to gravitate towards depressing thigns, when they could so easily have been made to gravitate towards positive things.

Maybe I'm wrong on that... please let me know if I am.

Take care,
Kevin