Anger ambivalence

Has anyone here ever felt the person that you truly love, you feel negative feelings towards him/her that include hate?

Since I have just recently discovered this term ambivalence and it means mixed feelings.

Not hate, but at times, anger, like grrr i could really go smack something for an hour! lol

but that's with a lot of improvement from day 1 so i hope the person i truly love will never get what was the worst of me! - but it does take time.

at times yes, with family members, friends, sometimes just things. i've had feelings like that because i've been unable to deal with anger brought up by the way others have treated me, found myself going backwards and forwards between affection and hate towards my own mother because i wasn't able to express my anger at her for bullying me over my depression. - my own inability to communicate that properly or deal with it left me feeling constantly attacked or let down, and feeling hatred towards her. the same thing has happened with value system conflicts, all sorts, and its left me suddenly hating everything about something because i was unable to deal with my own feelings in a rational healthy way.

One of the biggest things there was the idea i had to hide that anger, or that it was in some way bad. (there was a lot of anger, violence, conflict in my upbringing that i never learned healthy ways of dealing with anger, only that it led to pain and violence.) i'd end up feeling resentful and wanting to hurt the person who had made me angry, but the anger i'd express would just leave me feeling angrier, as nothing would be acknowledged underneath that anger i felt powerless, let down, misunderstood and still angry, which if it built up sometimes led to feelings of hate.

when i say not expressing properly, i don't mean whether you can yell at someone or something, i mean whether you can communicate the real cause of your anger and be heard - end up being heard and understood. - i'm still learning, but its already making a big difference to a lot of things in my life. i think being able to be assertive is another part to communicating anger, and being able to communicate, which can be hard sometimes. There's also something to understanding and dealing with your own anger. I'm still working on all this really, so i can't communicate it as well as some might be able to ? i think the important thing is that it really doesn't mean trying not to feel angry, or not expressing anger.

oh, the question you asked in your other thread, i dont have a PD dx - my therapist has mentioned fragmentation and DID, too soon for an opinion or solid dx, but fragmentation is what you find under PDs, so it doesn't rule it out. i've had some cluster B traits to deal with... as you can see from this post lol