Anger and physical abuse

My wife and I have had a pretty rocky marriage. We have three wonderful kids and get along at times. My wife is never wrong about anything and belittles me constantantlhy and is always trying to control everything I do. I want to just control myself and it has nothing to do with trying to control her. After some counseling sessions and some research, I thing my wife may be a narcissist or borderline personality disorder. She will not speak to me for days for something trivial such as leaving a dish in the sink or not saying something the right way. she can do whatever she wants to me but you do the same to her you had better watch out. She twists everything around and makes me believe that everything is all my fault. I eventually have enough of this behavior and usually have angry outbursts, yell at her, call her names and yes I have gotten physical with her. I often times leave the situation and go outside and do what I can to cool down, eventually coming back to her in the same state of mind. I have extreme guilt after doing these things to her and often times the things she did to me to get me mad are cancelled out because I apologize and apologize more to try to make her forgive me. Seems I am constantly apologizing and she has honestly never said she is sorry one time in twelve years of us being together.

How do you handle situations when you are the only person that is ever wrong and the other person just keeps pushing. I am definitely not condoning my behavior by saying it is ok. I have been to anger management for about fifteen sessions and the therapist told me I that I know what to do, but when I thrust myself into this situation and she keeps doing these things I eventually get tired of her attacks. I simply want to get along and not be controlled and manipulated. I hate what I do and say and want to change. No matter what she does I should never do the things I have done and said.

When you respond to her in an angry 'tone' - either physically or mentally - you are not helping the situation in the slightest. Anger will get us nowhere far, you must understand. Understanding- on the other hand - will take us to places of solace and peace [in a relationship]. What you are going to have to do is start reacting differently. Each time you react the same way to whatever difficult cops-up, this whole entire cycle just continues itself. You see that?

So, for example, the next time that you feel guilty, don't bother apologising. That will cut one part of the cycle. Also, the next time that you feel the need to hit her, STOP (and the same for when you feel like shouting/telling her off). Just stop, leave the room, and get on with something else such as reading. This will break another part of the cycle. As it [the cycle] fragments more and more, you should begin to notice changes.

Kevin

Thank you Kevin, very good advice and I know you are right. The problem will be implementing but plan on making it work.

A great post , well i just want to ask if someone here can best describe psychosyntesis with examples for it to be understood much better .

harleydog wrote:Thank you Kevin, very good advice and I know you are right. The problem will be implementing but plan on making it work.

Let me know how things are now