I need to beat the crap out of something

Lately I've been snapping about every little thing. I'll start from the beginning... I work in retail and most of the customers are good and everything, but most of them (even the nice ones) are stupid! They think everything is the employee's fault when something is wrong... "Why aren't the gas pumps working?", "Why the hell is the paper out at the pumps?", "The coffee is empty!", "You don't have anymore hot dogs out here!" I want to tell them all to shut up because we can't do everything perfect and we're not there to take your crap! As for the hot dogs... Sure I'll bring them out, so you can shove them up your --- well, you know. The customers aren't the worst part though, really. The worst part at my job is the people I work with. Almost all of them are complete idiots!! They've all been there longer than I have and I have to tell them how to run the stupid register half the time! A couple of them don't like me either for some stupid reasons. They need to grow up, and almost everyone there is at least double my age!

Next thing is the people I live with... I do almost everything around the house while a couple of the other people just sit around. Oh, did I mention they're both unemployed!? I work my butt off at work and then I come home and have to work it off some more, when there's two capable people at home that can do stuff while I'm gone. I'm sounding like a true woman now but...it's the truth! It would be nice to see that the house was vaccuumed when I come home or all the dishes are done, is that too much to ask of men? I live with 3 of them...

Next thing is my dog. I love him, got him 2 months ago, and lately he's been driving my up the wall. He's been getting into the cat litter and he whines like crazy when I leave him. I've been patient with him regarding the whining but my patience is running thin. And the cat litter? I have no idea what to do about it, but I've shown him that it pisses me off and it's a bad thing to do.

Not only have I been pissed off about all of this lately, I've also been depressed. I feel completely alone, like I don't have anybody to go to, not even my boyfriend. I have people I call friends, but it feels like they don't care enough to actually be there for me when I need someone. Tonight I was going to my dog and cat for comfort, because I know that they can feel that I'm hurting. This forum is a hope that I can get these feelings out and get ideas and help from other people who feel the same way.

WolfSong,

Depression and anger oftentimes go hand in hand, and it's usually the depression that comes first. It kind of decreases our level of tolerance to things in life, and therefore we get angry more quickly. I do understand what you're going through, as I suffered the same years ago. I was openly angry in public, in fact, and started cursing at some people.

In relation to your own situation, there are productive ways out of the $#%^ you're facing. The guys you live with, for example, can all be left behind if you move out. I live alone because I know that I coiuldn't bare living with other people ('people' are invariably very messy and annoying). If you're working, then I imagine you could afford a place on your own too, or maybe even move in with a friend who you know is not a complete messy jerk.

Overall, I'm sure that talking a more will help you to relieve some of your anger; and i'm sure that writing all that you have written here has helped you too.

Kevin

Kevin,

Thank you for replying. I do agree with you about people being messy and annoying and moving out does seem like a simple solution, but one of these men is my boyfriend. The other 2 are friends and the only reason why our friends are living with us is to make the payments for the house easier to handle. Even if I could move out, I don't make enough to afford an apartment, sadly.

Yes, I will be using this forum as anger relief and it has helped a little already.

Your intolerance of others has nothing to do with Them. It is you not tolerating You that is the bottom line. What are you avoiding?
People who are angry are afraid of something. What are you afraid of? Have you ever heard the saying that we are as sick as our secrets? Sometimes facing those secrets feels terrifying. We feel we may not be able to get onto the otherside of understanding our fears and pain so we hide or transfer our frustrations onto others.
In my experience when it is time to face a personal issue and I avoid it, I end up feeling an inner frustration, like I am going against the current of who I could grow into being. It is almost like my mind gets frustrated with me for denying what it is asking me to learn about.
The great part about this is that you are aware that you have a problem. It doesn't feel right or good. Anger is Exhausting! If you are at the stage where you don't like being angry anymore and you want to get out of it, then you are just about to grow too.
There is a way out, you don't have to live the rest of your life like this. PEACE is possible for your innerself. You deserve that burden lifted.
I hope you keep writting on here. No one will judge you negativley. Most of us can relate to how you feel. You wouldn't belive how furious I would get with even furniture. Please try and laugh soon. It cuts tension like no drug or punching bag could ever do. Have you ever seen Slamin' Salmon? That movie almost made me pee!
Big Hug,
With hope,
One

Hello One, thank you for taking the time to write to me. When I first started reading your message, I was thinking to myself, "What is this person talking about, it makes no sense!" But then as I kept reading, I realized what you were talking about, and it's true. I mean, I've always known that it wasn't other people's fault for me being pissed off at them, but I never thought of it as myself having a problem with keeping something from myself... or however you put it Anyway, the problems from my past aren't much of a secret, but I've never known how to really deal with them and let go completely. In truth I've always disliked people, but I've always tried to give them a chance. Whether it be friends, family or a complete stranger, all of them have always let me down in some way. The "secret" from my past that I've never let go of is that as a child up until middle school, I was made fun of for being overweight. I was still made fun of a little bit in high school, but that was when it ended. In the first 8 years of school though, the picking on me was strong. It destroyed my trust and possible caring for people. In high school I started to try and lose weight by exercising and eating healthy... I'd always fail because at the time I didn't realize how much work it really is. Even now I'm still overweight, but I'm currently in the process of changing my life style and I definitely have a different, better, view of myself than what my view was in school. The point of me sharing this secret is that I'm hoping that someone has an idea of how I can let go of all those days that I left school crying because of my weight, because I still have no idea. I would say that this is definitely something that I've avoided by pushing it back in my mind because I don't know how to let go of it. I know I need to move on from it, but my weight issues are holding me back. I still look at myself as being fat, but I'm told all the time by my friends that I'm not, and really on the inside, I almost believe them.

Maybe that's why I'm so on edge with people lately, because I'm changing my life style in order to lose this weight and everything is just spilling out now?

Thanks for sharing! In my experience people are overweight because of emotional issues. They stuff the pain away with every bite. Their size feels like a shield to keep people from hurting them. The sad part is that it only hurts more.
Have you ever tried to think of the reasons why you were so overweight when you were young? Perhaps it has more to do with your home environment. Children adopt the same pattens as their parents. Grief, shame, illness all of them can lead people to over/or under eating. You wouldn't really think so at first glance, but anorexics face some similar problems.
Something that has helped me is this thought: I have suffered enough. Cried enough and been wounded long enough. It IS MY TURN To have joy, love and a new purpose in life. MY TURN.
You sound to me like someone who wants and is beginning to know that you deserve good things just as much as others. This planet is really just full of people who are trying to find their own way in life. Most do not have a clue what they are doing. They mask it well maybe but no matter what a person has or looks like they all have to do the work involved to be happy and contented people.
Then there is an even smaller class of people who really try to do good to others. Sadly they are getting rarer to find in my opinion.
Something I have noticed about Obese people is that they are generally very tender hearted and humble. Two of my favorite qualities in friends. No matter how thin or fit you become, don't give up your inner beauty 'k?
With Hope,
One