Very angry!!

I dont know where to start. My wife and kids have moved down the street to her sisters temporarily. I've been blowing up lately kicking holes in walls, yelling, cussing, generaly out of control. This has been going on foe months now. My wife has called the police on me at least 5 times, mainly because shes scared..i understand that. I have recently begun to seek counsling, though my next appt isnt until june 28th. I cant sleep, all i think about is how i have been acting, and that seems to get me agitated. I know its wrong to act this way to someone im supposed to love. But i dont know how to control it or whats setting me off. I want help, and im seeking it, but its just not fast enough, i dont have 3 weeks to wait. Ive called the crisis line, again, and unless im a threat to myself or others theres nothing they can do. I feel like such a worthless piece of crap. How can I alienate my wife and family. Noone will talk to me, her sister says to divorce me. I just dont know whats going on in side my head.

Let me give you some more background. My stepson 14, has been in trouble with the law, sold drugs in school, got expelled, and all he can do is blame me and everyone else for his problems. We dont do drugs, drink, or anything illegal. He states he wants me gone for the past 3 years and has told everyone that. Me and his mom have been together for almost 4 yrs, we have a daughter between who is 2 and I love her very much. She has another son 9 who is very kind got honor role, and has never caused me any problems whatsoever.

I was laid off in April, been looking for work since then, bills are piling up, and overall this isnt helping either. Most importantly, I have scared the crap out of my wife enough that she feels she cant be in the same house with me. I want to stop this, and figure out why im doing this. Im not supposed to scare my wife and family. Yes, I guess im an abuser, emotionally...havnt always been like this. its like something inside of snapped, or like a switch that was turned on, and now i cant or dont know how to turn it off.
Ive been doing alot of reading, and it seems it could be anything from anger management to bipolar and everything in between. Me writing this isnt easy for everyone to see, but i just want help, and want my wife and kids NOT to be scared of me! Im not a bad person, i know this! Im screwed up. Please dont respond with hateful comments, im needing help, not someone to say "good, she should leave" or things like that. Maybe she should, but regardless, i need to get a grasp on reality, and stop feeling paranoid, angry, and thinking everyone hates or is against me. I just want it all to stop, before I get any further out of hand. This isnt fair to anyone.

Beneath all of your anger - blueenergy - is a very nice man it seems. Everyting has gone wrong in your life, and being angry about that is understandable. If you read your post again though, you will see that you've suffered an awful lot, and your stepson's comments to you cannot be helping. Plus, your wife moving won't ever help either in the short term. You can still tap-in to this nice person that is beneath you. You might never get things working the way you like, but if you are nice - in general - then you will be able to get through all of this. Being capable of repressing anger and instead letting your gentle side shine is difficult, but I - for example - do it each and every day by coming here to help others.

Im hoping that some of this makes sense to you dude. I had intense uncontrollable anger years ago, but went to my doctor. Ultimtely, I was prescribed an anti-depressant which alleviated my anger.

Kevin

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I talked to my wife earlier, but i think shes so scared of how ill act, she wont tell me what the truth is. I dont blame her. I think shes looking for another place to live. Reason? I was saying hi to my daughter in the back of my wifes car, and she quickly, scooped up a bunch of papers. I saw what appeared to be house listings. I asked later about it, but she just wont answer. I think ive done so much damage that she is afraid to tell me the truth for fear of blowing up. How can i blame her? I cant. So now its just onemore thing to add to my growing fears. It's inevitable, shes going to leave, she just wont tell me.

hmmm, again it's clear that there's a lot of good in you. You understand why your wife is angry. At the moment, she probably just sees you as some anger-ridden guy who she does not want to be around anymore. It will take a while for her to see you in a different light, but it can be done. We can always change and - with that - change how others see us. Be good and respectful always and forever. Anger doesn't generally solve anything, even though it might feel good in the short term.

Kevin