Self Help isn't working

I've been seeing a psychiatric nurse (and previously recieved counseling), but it's just not made any difference to my anger problems. My psychiatric nurse has been trying to make me read self help stuff on anger and while there's nothing wrong with trying to find the answers to your problems through self help, does she not think that I've been looking for the answers since I developed my anger issues?

I feel like I have been tolf the same things over and over and over again and it's not working, None of these things work. I suspect that I must be an angry person in general. Afterall, I have strong opinions on everything and I need everything to be absolutely perfect and I worry very easily, etc. I used to also suffer from anxiety problems (my mother suspects that my anger problems are actually my way of combatting other uncomfortable emotions like sadness and anxiety).

For years, I have been told to walk away from the situation or count to ten or take deep breathes, etc, etc, etc, but it doesn't work. It takes ages for me to get rid of angry feelings and I feel horrible. Sometimes, I feel so horrible inside that it feels like something or someone is molesing me and drowning me in quicksand. When I externalise the anger, it makes that feeling feel a lot better to deal with. If I don't externalise the anger, it turns into despair and I end up feeling like killing myself and because of this, I don't feel like there's any way for me to take on board any other coping mechanisms.

When I feel at my worst point, I throw things, threaten to hurt people, throw myself/hit my head and hands against walls. I' ve tried the screaming into pillows thing and it sort of works, but my family scold me for it, even though they know that I don't have many options.

I try my best to use the self help stuff, but I feel that it's useless now becaiuse I always seem to fail at everything. I've failed at keeping up with an exercise routine, I've failed at having a hobby, I've failed at using my art as therapy........

I hate this. I want better ways to deal with anger. I feel so rotten all the time and I've lost so much confidence and self esteem over the years because of this. Why isn' t this stuff working? Please help me.

By the way, I'm not trying to say that the people that have been trying to help me weren't trying. I'm sure they have worked very hard, but I feel like a failure because I haven't changed whatsoever since I have seen the nurse and I don't know why.

Hi,

I can't accept the notion that you're 'just' an angry person, because we aren't born that way, right? You're angry because things aren't going exactly as you'd like them to in your life, don't you think? Actually, I relate to everything that you've said because I used to have enormous amounts of anger in me. As I look back now, it reached its peak when I openly threatened to stab someone close to me. Now that's scary! I had the knife in my hand too.

So, how did I get out of it? Well, counselling and such didn't really help either, but what I noticed did help was takijg an anti depressant. You probably dont want to take any tablet, but neither did I at first. What I took was an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor) called Lexapro, and it 'magically' lessened my anger and allowed me to focus more easily on my problems.

So, do yuo think you're up to taking medication? If so, then talk to your dovtor about it if you can.

Kevin

I went to the doctor and he did do a screen test for depression before I got the psychiatric nurse, but he reckoned I was too young to recieve antidepressants. I have taking hormones for the past few months because my mother suspected that hormones could have played a big part, but I haven't felt any difference whatsoever.

Still, maybe if I discuss it with him and explain the precise nature of the situation, he'll reconsider.

Also, I think you're right. I've always been upset whenever something doesn't go the way I planned or the way it was scheduled. I get very anxious and upset when something changes. Being autistic (aspie), I guess I overreact to certain stimuli and especially change. Infact, all this stuff started when I started puberty and got better when I was in the middle of secondary school and got worse at the end of school. Maybe I'm bad at adapting. Maybe I need to work on that.

Thanks very much for your advice

PS: That must have been scary for both of you.

Hi,
Anger is a great motivator to heal.
When you do need to vent, dont hit yourself, beat a pillow, go out beat a stick against a tree. Scream in a pillow, do something
safely physical. Pots and pans.....

I had uncontrollable anger, I would cuss, self harm, one day a girl gave me an idea, I took a bed sheet or blue tarp and I stuck
it on a fence. I then took old dishes and threw them at the fence, breaking them to pieces until I could not lift my arms.
I think that is much better than harming yourself.

Learning to relax is a blessing. I do it well when I am tired. I picture a white board in my head and a big eraser.

peace to you,
Red

Hi,

I had no idea that you have Asperger's Syndrome - It is what i have too. There is a very active Asperger's Forum on this website. I don't think I recall seeing your username there yet (or am I wrong?). If you have not been there yet, then you should visit to see what's happening. I've learned so much from this website as a complete entity, in so many different areas of psychology / mental health.

When all has been said and done though, I DO like Red's idea of smashing up some things. I don't think I can afford to break anything though, as I've only just moved out of my parents' home and my wealth is not that great!

Kevin

Firstly I don't know anything about this issue really, not at a professional level, but I have been around some very angry people... I think your mother may be on to something, if you've tried all the 'surface' ways round it (ie counting, walking away, punching pillows etc) and they haven't worked it could be that you need to find the root of your anger as it were. I'm sure this has all been said to you before, but it is very easy to change one negative emotion (e.g. extreme sadness at the past loss of a loved one) into another (white hot rage) which is easier to deal with. If there's something lurking in your past, and therefore your subconscious, which makes you feel (for example) despair when you think about it then your brain maybe is just defaulting to anger as it knows that is less painful (even though it's not, in the long run).
I suppose the solution would be to find out what it is that's making you unhappy and try to talk that through with someone, either professional or not. Unfortunately that's not hard to do when you have an anger problem (aren't brains great?), which is why I am for the use of certain drugs to help people through the initial talking experience (not the same as long term medication)...but that's another issue. Is there anything you think you may be blocking out?
Sorry if this is totally irrelevant to you, but I've seen it happen many times...

Thank you to everyone who responded.

I think there might be a lot of stuff from my past that I'm not quite over (which I really should be), so maybe that's what I need to focus on. Also, I think I will talk to my nurse about what has been going on because perhaps I have not been very clear with her about it. Also, like SmallTalkRed has suggested (considering the whiteboard thing), I think I'll go David Lynch and by that I mean I should really get into meditation. I'm a creative person, so it might be very useful for me and also it would be great for my family because they're the ones who suffer the most from my anger.

I talked to one of the murses at the clinic I go to and she's going to talk with my nurse (who was off at the time) to see if I should see a psychologist instead so that they can find the origin of my anger problems. I have some idea of where it might come from, but I'm not very sure why I am always angry, to be honest and why I feel a lot of emptiness and anxiety.

But of course, I'm still trying to find ways to control my anger right now with some of the self help skills (even though it's hard and even though it's not very effective for me).

I have tried reading books and watching a lot of things dealing with anger and it hasn't helped me. All it does is piss me off because it wastes my good time.

Hey there. You anger situation sounds so vivid and all pervasive. I used to experience a similar level of anger, and it took me years of doing all kinds of different things before it started to relax. I'm still dealing with anger, but the level has dropped tremendously.

The advice others have given is all good. I'll add something in addition. One thing that has helped me sometimes over the years is to "give up being broken." I spent so much time in therapy and trying to "fix" me, and every so often it would hit me that I was on such a huge project to get better that I was missing my life.

So I would give up all the therapy and efforts to get better and just do things that gave me pleasure and joy. At the same time I would kind of "give up" and give in to who I am: an angry guy who struggles a lot. When I would give in like this, somehow it would give me some respite, some space from my battle, and I would suddenly have room to go out and enjoy my life a little more.

I often wouldn't have friends, so enjoying my life meant getting comfortable with being alone, and going to the park alone, going to movies alone, and doing whatever I wanted to to make me feel good. On Sundays I would sometimes take a picnic and a book to the park, and spend all day reading, walking, laying in the sun, chasing the squirrels...for real Then in the late afternoon and evening I would go to dinner and a movie.

Anyways, doing thing I enjoyed (if you don't know what those things are then you need to find out) was a great source of peace and healing for me. If you don't already do this, you may want to give it a try.