Letting this anger go...

I can't control my anger. I'm a genuinely nice person, but when someone is unnecessarily rude or insulting I can get very confrontational and lose almost all self control.

Last night I initiated a conversation with a group of people, and for no apparent reason this man begins to insult me. There was literally no provocation at all. I attempt to be non-reactive as I've been in this situation before and it never ends well, but I slowly start to lose control. A huge part of why I can't just walk away in situations like this, is that I try to "save face" in front of the rest of the group. Whenever someone does this to me I couldn't care less what they think of me, they clearly don't like me, its always me trying to not look foolish in front of others (the opposite always happens, because once you lose control you lose the respect of anyone watching).

Its like this anger takes over, and I want to become violent (I've never in my adult life become violent, somehow even though I feel completely possessed some small part of me has always been able to guide me to safety). The situation escalates, and the rest of the group turns on me. At this point what is fueling me isn't trying to save face so much as feeling overwhelmed by a group and going on the defensive. 5 against 1, and I'm thrown out of the bar.

I get in my car fuming, it literally feels like going into a frenzy on some awful drug, banging the dashboard breaking stuff in my car. It is not a pleasant feeling when I get like this at all. I sat in my car, and slip into this catatonic state, and then just start crying. Part of it was being mistreated like that, but I was also crying because I finally fully appreciated that I have a very serious problem, and if I don't do something about it I'm either going to hurt someone very badly or going to get hurt very badly.

I don't want to "control" or "manage" my anger, I want to let it go. I always hear about people "letting it slide off their back", and I'm envious! I've tried so hard to do that, to be non-reactive because I hate feeling that angry and because when you react you look foolish but when you don't they look foolish, but whenever confrontation comes I can never do that...and control starts to slip away...

hello yartr,

Yes, you are absolutely right whatever you wrote in this post. I agree with you. But you know why you cant control your anger or feeling unable that you can't control your own anger. Do you know this fact when person has self-ego he cant control himself anymore when he is anger. I mean you have some negative belief that stops you to know about the root of the anger. Don't mind please. You think when you are in anger that you are more understanding person and others are not. Others are not giving you enough respect or may be any other reason. But you should try to identify those thinking which leads you to anger and you must know for controlling you anger. You know, once you are recognized then there is no anger and you can let go off.

Another thing, you can let go it, but don't give any reaction to anger. Just let go silently, it will disappear.

By the way think nice and have control over anger.

Hello,

I totally agree with you in your post. But for me, I'm handling my anger by thinking if I did get angry what's the possible consequences of my actions if I get angry. Sometimes I just burst if I don't know what to do anymore. Now I paying the price of my actions.

By this experience, now I'm rethinking the possibilities to change. Thanks for sharing you anger management practices. I got some tips from you.

leahmarie wrote:Hello,

I totally agree with you in your post. But for me, I'm handling my anger by thinking if I did get angry what's the possible consequences of my actions if I get angry. Sometimes I just burst if I don't know what to do anymore. Now I paying the price of my actions.

By this experience, now I'm rethinking the possibilities to change. Thanks for sharing you anger management practices. I got some tips from you.

Hi leahmarie,when you get very tough situation, try to be silent and patient. You will find out any way to control you anger.

when waiting doesnt work...if your alone in the house punching a pillow always helps

kyle123 wrote:

when waiting doesnt work...if your alone in the house punching a pillow always helps

Good idea, may your idea work for the original author.

If you're feeling an angry fit coming, try to calm yourself by... counting to 10? Diverting your attention usually helps - at least for me. I also have a problem of getting really angry when someone is rude. What I do is, I try to calm myself down before doing/saying anything back. When I suspend my reaction for a few seconds, I end up reacting in a calmer way.