Learning of subject leads to anger

I came here for some better ideas as to help out my boyfriend.

To put it simple he has such a mental block when it comes to learning a subject being math, that whenever he remotely approaches the topic he becomes extremely angry to the point of wanting to hit people. Keep in mind he is 19 and in college prep classes. Very intelligent, but I'll get into a bit of a life story he would tell me when we would lead to the subject as to why he hates it.

He would go back to memories of how he was in a christian school, they would drill math into his head constantly, and he would be looked down upon if he didn't do anything correctly. He was on dextroamphetamine for ever since he was a child and diagnosed with ADHD, which he has said the only time he could get even remotely close to learning math is on dextroamphetamine, but now having that dependency that he is now tolerant to, he doesn't really have medications for an alternative.

Family wise, his mother is overall depressed and brings his family down, even though his father is supportive over everything he does, even going out of his way to have money for his education, computers to develop off of through his child hood.

Why I'm getting into a bit of his background is to give everyone a better understanding of what is behind him. He will not go to a psychologist because he is self conscious which is BS in my opinion.

My question as to why I come here is How do you approach a situation like this? Is there a way to break these barriers he has set up? Is it a good idea to even break those barriers? What is the best way to handle this situation?

Hi,

I know the anger he's feeling, and I therefore also know that you approaching him directly about it won't work. You're going to have to use alternative ways to 'speak' to him on this issue. Also, the 'barriers' that you speak of cannot be broken. they can, however, be explored. It's like military/wars: You can always just crush your enemy, by 'breaking' them, but more enemies will then just replace them in time. What would be better is to understand the enewmy and know why they are your enemy in the first place.

That's what he must do himself - i.e. explore why he has these barriers set-up, and then learn to live with them in peace, and not anger. You can help by starting to direct him to articles on the Internet about anger mgmt, but also PTSD could be an issue here (I'm not entirely sure though). Always adopt a caring tone with him though, and if he raises his voice, don't raise yours. Instead, just walk away.

Thank you for the reply, well That's what I have been doing so far. I am a very patient person, and not one to get upset myself just concern. The only thing I can get from him is what I have described above, is that he'd constantly bring up the christian school topic of how they would drill math into his head for days on end. I will discuss more with him about it come this next weekend, but I would like a few more opinions on the situation if anyone else has some.

Hi,

I was away for two days but am back now and am sad to see that nobody else has replied. have you any updates on the situation?

No update, Ive been working, and my bf has been working, so we have had little to no time to just sit down and talk. I really want to talk with him, but ya timing everything gets tough when he works weekends and I work weekdays.

Wow, that certainly sounds difficult. Don't let life shred this apart though - I mean, don't just accept that there is 'no' time to talk to each other. I have seen couples who basically just live in the same house together and never do anything else. They work during the day, come home stressed, eat separately, etc. They're victims of a society that is placing too much pressure on people. Don't accept it.

Kevin

I would be very cautious with your boyfriend as he seems out of control with his anger and has some mental health issues. He really needs some intervention. I think that a counseling evaluation would be very helpful and working with a professional personally to help him get control on these outbursts. I am concerned that you could be harmed and should be ready to protect yourself. You should encourage him to get help and if he doesn't - it might be best to take a break from the relationship since he becomes unpredictably violent.

I have to agree with angercoach. It is important that he, and you to some degree, get some help. What he is experiencing is rage and it will escalate. I've seen it and experienced it and it can be devastating to everyone involved.