Hi everyone-help with 12 yr old daughter

My ex-husband and I recently had to move 130 miles away back to the town my daughter was born in because of the economy no work ect. My daughter is very angry. She blames both of us saying we didn't try hard enough. Me & my ex have a very explosive- sometimes violent relationship, however I don't leave because I have no family, money ect and I don't want to take my child to a shelter. However I have a way out soon and have asked my daughter to be patient and I will move me and her back there soon. She doesn't want to wait and found a place to live there but I don't think I can do that however it might be a better place for her to live than my home. She is becoming more unbearable to live with everyday, even before the move, but the move has definately made it worse. She screams, yells, and is rude and I called her out on it today. She told me to shut up and I am a stupid XXXXX. I told her she was not going to talk to me like that and told her she was grounded from her cell phone and for her to give it to me. She wouldn't and in order to get it I would have had to knock her down and take it so I told her father to get it because shes a daddys girl and a little more cooperative with him. I know getting her out of this environment and moving back to the place she calls home would help a great deal but I feel the damage has been done and I simply would not be able to control her. I am almost thinking to leave her here with her father and going back by myself. But hes a pothead and thats all he cares about and she wouldn't have the life she needs. Any suggestions?

Hi there,

See, very first i need to tell you you are mother of her, Right? Yes, right. Then you have one right and you know it very well and it is you must love to your child or daughter whatever.

I will tell you only one thing and it will work. Do this : When she becomes angered or yelling, say her in gentle words, my daughter i love you. Always do this. This is the best way to keep her down in this situation. IN starting you will suffer, but don't make it too much bigger. Do you get it what i want to say? You had made it bigger the thing called tolerate. Everyone has to tolerate in their life.

Pray to god and start this trick. I am sure it will work for you. Accept everything from her and you give her only one thing UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

All the best for this! God give you strength for this!
Take care

Dear Friend, this is a very traumatic time in your daughter's life. But, the real problem is that you and your husband cannot control your anger. She needs a role-model for anger management.
When you can control your anger - it will help defuse hers.
It's obvious she is angry and depressed about the move. But, she doesn't feel secure because of the unstable home environment.
If your husband is threatening and volatile - you may need to leave and take her with you. Consider calling the National Domestic Violence hotline at: 1-800-799-7233 and reading more about *mod edit*