I've had an epiphany, and I would really like some help...

My name is Taylor (obviously). I'm 17 years old and I just came to this site to get some help with a couple things that are really hard for me to control. I figured if I came to this site I could get some help from some people that have the same experience or at least know what they're talking about.
So here it is...

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month now after breaking up for two months. Things started getting really bad. I was miserable. Always venting on him. Always depressed and angry for no reason. He finally got sick of it and left me.
We randomly got back together with my promise that things would be different. Sadly, things are starting to be the way they are before...
My parents and I used to fight all the time. I'd take all my anger out on them. For a while now things have been great with them. But I've come to realize that since I haven't taken my anger out on them, I started doing it to Steve (boyfriend). It seems as though there always has to be someone to be angry at, even if they didn't do anything wrong.
Last night we almost broke up. Because I was being selfish and only thinking of myself. I was depressed and angry that I didnt have anything to do. He wouldn't go out with me because he was sick. So I got pissed.
It wasn't his fault he's sick!
I told him I'd try really hard not to do it again.
And after talking with my best friend and his best friend (who are dating and they see how i act) I realized exactly what I've been doing.
Subconsciously I need someone to take my anger out on. I don't understand it and I don't know how to stop.
I've decided to see my psychiatrist to talk with her.

What I want help on is:
1. When I'm depressed, I can't come out of it. So what can I do to keep myself from feeling that way. And if I start feeling that way, what do I do to stop?
2. Why is it that I always use someone to vent my anger? What can I do to control it?


I've realized that I honestly hate myself. Because of my anger and depression, I've pushed a lot of people away from me.
So what I have to do; change what I don't like.
I'd give anything to be happy with myself. And happy in general.


Please help me with this. It needs to stop.

Hi, taylorleigh823! Do you get moods when you're really low and then moods when you're hyper and maybe angry? You might need to take your anger out on another person out of frustration. Maybe you saw someone else do this kind of thing as you were growing up or someone did it to you.
When I'm depressed, having a little work out always makes me feel better. You can try to do it almost every day, to try and prevent depression, together with what your psych will tell you.

Yeah, I keep thinking I have bipolar but after the 4 years i've been seeing my pyschiatrist I still haven't been diagnosed.
Both my father and my mother were always fighting when I was little. And my dad has really bad anger issues.
But thanks for the advice :]
I'll try it out and see how it goes.

You could try to think about what their relationships with people were like and tell yourself that is not who you are and you can't take your anger out on others any more and let your past control you like that.
I hope your psych helps you figure out what's going on.

My mom has never been able to hold a relationship with anyone. She's pushed everyone away who has ever loved her.
I definately wouldn't like to know what that's like.

Is there any other ways I can used to try and handle my anger and depression?

What kind of doctor are you going to? It's been 4 years and you still haven't received a diagnosis? Based on the time length, I'm thinking they might be using psychodynamic therapy on you? This is just my opinion, but I think you would be better served with finding a new doctor. Perhaps one that practices behavioral and/or cognitive therapies.

I'm not a doctor, but I think you learned your behavior from your parents. "Modeling" if you will. You grew up thinking that the way to handle your anger is to lash out at others. Your depression could be a result of the lost friendships your anger is causing.

We can sit here and give you coping tips, but that's just a band-aid. You need to get at the actual cause if you want to lead a happy life.