Adrenaline rush and anger when confronting strangers

I have an issue that's been ongoing and I've been doing my best to analyze it and find the triggers and avoid them or maybe not let them get to me so much but I can't so I'm looking for some input on what my issue really is and what I can possibly do about it.

It goes like this, and I'll give you a prime example of something that happened today.

I went to the doctors for a followup and explained that the test they sent me for while beneficial in finding something odd, wasn't pertinent to the main issue I came there for. I hinted that I think it'd be good that I get the test done on the area that I was having the real issues with. The assistant that was treating me seemingly got ever so slightly annoyed and said that I can't really be asking for tests when past exams have shown there's no reason and I've already have enough tests done on the area.

Right then, I god a blood rush and my heart started thumping hard and basically just had an adrenaline rush. My voice becomes shaky and I want to yell when i speak but I tame my speech to be normal tone however it comes out shaky and I tend to talk low and quick so people don't notice and I don;t give it away that something's wrong with me.

I told her I only had one test done (referring to the test done on the area that wasn't even giving me issues) and I kept a smile on my face trying to be aware of my appearance and look congenial. This is where things for m started to get cloudy and memory fails me. I remember her looking at me and then making a sort of sarcastic "mmhmm" and looking down at the papers. I remember asking her that i was confused as to what exam she was talking about, and she asked me in a sort of annoyed tone "you did have your stomach looked at right?" and I said no I did not. I then explained that when i was last here I handed the assistant a letter with symptoms written on it (all of which pointed to the abdomen being the main issue not the other aspect) and that that the test prescribed, that didn't affect the abdomen was the only thing prescribed.

She left the room to get a fax and I calmed down and she was nice when she came back and i acted super nice also.

Now as you can see, this happens when strangers seemingly think they know something about me and feed me info that i know to be false, or it seems like it is a mountain to climb to get someone to see the truth. I guess you can say that when i don't get my way that I KNOW is the correct way, it enrages me. Basically when people start acting like knowitall jerks. I DO want to try to explain the whole situation to make things clear to show that my thoughts are the right ones, but at the slightest hint that it's heading for that road, the adrenaline starts and I can barely keep myself together.

I hate it and I want to overcome it and it severely limits my will to interact with people as it just seems to further solidify this idea I have that most people are jerks.

I think part of the reason for this flare up may be that I don't even for a minute want to make it seem to the other person that I'M a jerk by standing my ground, because let's be honest, people see someone as standing their ground initially to be a jerk because in everyone's mind, THEY want to be right and everyone else HAS to be wrong. It's like I take my reputation seriously and want all people to see me as a good person and knowing that refuting someone else's argument - even when I'm in the right to do so because I KNOW I'm right - will not only make me seem like one, but will make THEM possibly get angry. I think that is where the panic comes in. I'm not sure but just trying to look deep here.

Thoughts please?

Hey,

I think that everyone would be angry in your situation, but maybe you just took it to the extreme. What's important for you is to realise that incompetent and arrogant people exist in the world, and tha you WILL encounter them again and again. If you expect them in this manner, then you will perhaps be in better control of your emotions when you next encounter such a person. All you have to do is tell yourself to remain calm, but authoritative.

Don't take $#%^ from anyone - ever - and always stand-up for your rights. In the specific example you have provided, however, I feel that better communication between the assistant and you could have prevented your anger.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Hey,

I think that everyone would be angry in your situation, but maybe you just took it to the extreme. What's important for you is to realise that incompetent and arrogant people exist in the world, and tha you WILL encounter them again and again. If you expect them in this manner, then you will perhaps be in better control of your emotions when you next encounter such a person. All you have to do is tell yourself to remain calm, but authoritative.

Don't take $#%^ from anyone - ever - and always stand-up for your rights. In the specific example you have provided, however, I feel that better communication between the assistant and you could have prevented your anger.

Kevin

The thing is I know the involuntary reaction i have is taken to the extreme, and I hate it. I want to be the calm focused type to succinctly just say what I need or have to with a smile n my face and not get mad but be happy instead that I "showed" someone. I can't do that though unless I keep calm.

I can argue with someone in written form online or whatever no problems. It's that face to face interaction that kills me. I think part of that is because online I have time to compose my thoughts whereas in person, you have to be quick and definitely in American culture more and more I've been noticing that if you can't summarize your argument into some witty flashy comeback in under 2 sentences then you "lose". Unfortunately people don't realize that life isn't a screenplay and not everything in life can be like it is on TV.

I know that when I'm right about something. if given time to explain, I can get the point across. But if you don't get it across fast, I fear people rolling their eyes and cutting me off and dismissing me, and THAT sort of ignorance is something that would make me can the attempts at looking like nothing's wrong and instead start yelling and swinging if people want to be asses like that. I do not like that side of me and I've done a good job of keeping it buried for a long time.

Again though this only really happens with strangers or people I'm only vaguely associated with. Good friends and such, well we have no issues telling each other "Hey retard shut your face for a second and listen to me", it's all in good fun.

I want strangers to like me, I also want to stand my ground when needed but I'm tired of getting subtle attitude back from people when what you say doesn't go 100% how they would like it to. I mean for instance today, same scenario, the nurse checking me into the appointment was asking me what medications I'm on. Now she has my records right there in front of me and I told her it should be the same as on the sheets. She said there's no medication listed on the sheets. I asked in an intentionally polite way how there could not be anything listed on there when the past 3 times Ive been here they asked me the same thing and write it down. Her reply was of course ever so slightly condescending. Like she's just saying oh god shut up and stop complaining and just answer. Even that little situation there , I felt the heart start thumping a bit.

I'm sure I can speculate on the ultimate root cause of this but even if I do find out the trigger I'd probably have to go through years of therapy to let go of it.

Hi,

I'm understanding more what you're referring to now, and it's something that I went through too. In my case, however, I never typically became openly angry with people. In fact, I just let everyone walk all over me instead. Anyway, your skills with communication will improve the more you do it- just don't give up on it. In the example that you've just mentioned (the nurse), you should have just stated the medication you're taking without asking questions. That would have been the polite thing to do. I'm sure that it WAS written on the sheet but - like I said - people are incompetent, and a situation like this should be expected.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Hi,

I'm undertanding more what you're referring to now, and it's something that I went through too. In my case, however, I never typically became openly angry with people. In fact, I just let everyone walk all over me instead. Anyway, your skills with communication will improve the more you do it- just don't give up on it. In the example that you've just mentioned (the nurse), you should have just stated the medication you're taking without asking questions. That would have been the polite thing to do. I'm sure that it WAS written on the sheet but - like I said - people are incompetent, and a situation like this should be expected.

Kevin

Sounds like a volcano ready to explode. Volcanos are cool though.

You're right, whero, and that's how it was with me in the past. Unfortunately the only time when I would erupt would be at home in front of mam (and rarely dad). Good God... ...I know by now no to piss off dad. Mam is more tolerant though, and by God was I cruel and heartless to her. However, I have changed and I'm now a gentle teddy-bear.