Just realized

I was told by my shrink that I have a lot of repressed anger. Now I'm realizing more and more everyday that she's right. I also can't identify my emotions. Anger is really one of the only emotions I can easily identify, but even then sometimes when I do things like hurt animals I don't know what I'm feeling but I was told it's anger. When I'm drunk I end up going insane on something, usually something so little but I start ranting and raving. Like last week I jumped on the hood of someone's car because they were asleep and wouldn't open the door. I tried kicking the windshield out and screaming things like I'll ######6 kill you. I get into a lot of fights when I'm drunk too. I scare the hell out of people when I'm drunk.

Now I have a friend who pisses me off so much. She grates on my nerves and I snap at her all the time, demean the things she says, glare at her. This is an everyday thing but she lets me get away with it. I'm not sure if that's the reason I let anger out on her or what. She'll do things like laugh at me and I just want to strangle her. I've had so many thoughts of killing her it isn't even funny. I'm surprised I haven't hit her yet.

I have paranoid delusions and the psychologist says I have schizoaffective disorder. But when I get really stressed out because of it my anger gets out of control. I've physically and verbally attacked my entire family. I will wake up with cuts in my palms from clenching my fists and I start wanting to kill my cats. I almost stabbed my brother and if I would of done that I would of killed him and everyone in the house.

Everyone I know has been saying I have anger problems but I never believed them and I'm not so sure I care.
I just don't know what to do about it. I feel like my anger is the only power I have.

Sorry if this made no sense.

Hi,

Don't worry - It makes clear sense to me. The reason why your anger comes out when you are drunk is because alcohol makes you less inhibited, and you therefore cannot logically judge the effects of your actions. In fact, this is why many people change into a different person when drunk.

Anyway, forgive me but you seem to have the view that you were born 'angry' and will always be this way. This isn't the case, however, and you can very much turn into a nice and generous person. Picture your anger as being inside a pressurised can... ...it just needs to be released, but in a safe & productive way. The best such way is through talking directly about the issues that are making you angry.

Kevin

Hi

It is nice thing that you had at least realize what you were doing with your buddies or people. Now see it's time to correct it. As you are identifying your anger, now you can try to identify emotions and you should. I am sure that you will identify and will correct it.

All the best!

Thnks