Hi new member here...
Just wondering, do any of you have blackouts when you get angry? I forget the first time it happened but I was fairly young. The first I really know about, was when I was about 14. I was working with my father on the ranch and he kept picking at me about what I was doing... He was a perfectionist and nothing I ever did was the way he wanted it done. He kept it up and I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel with a small light at the end..which went black... The next thing I remember he had me down and was taking a knife out of my hand. (We used the knives to cut strings and stuff). Another time, a cow was giving me trouble and I was very frustrated. Again the dark tunnel and when I "came to" I had almost beaten the cow to death with a shovel. Another time, this bully used to like to pick on me, he squirted me with a squirt gun which apparently was the last straw, I came to beating on him and the other kids pulling me off him.
There have been other times that this came close to happening.
I also have a problem with anger... according to the anger management classes, we are supposed to be able to stop our anger... For me, I can be fine one second and strike out in total rage the next...there is no stopping it...
I avoid all confrontation and arguments because I am afraid of what I will do. This tends to make me a wuss because I won't stand up for myself because I would rather take abuse than kill someone...
Any one else have this problem or something similar and what do you do?