Anger affecting life and relationships

Hello all

Seems like a busy little place to ask for a little advice here so here goes. Basically I'm having problems managing my anger over the last few months and it's starting to affect everything around me, my life, work, relationships. Just this morning I've made an appointment with a counsellor because I've realised over a period of months now that I have a problem but just not winning the war against it on my own.

I really don't know what to expect tomorrow so having some idea from here might help me focus on what I need help with, because I don't think it's just anger. My main problem seems to come from within my social relationships, down the pub or with the local sports team kind of scenarios. I can have a choice of words with someone about a given subject or similar and it feels like that person, and others associated with them turn against me, so from that point forward, right or wrongly I believe that they don't like me, and convinced their probably talking behind my back. I seem to then dwell on events or conversations I've had with them and further convince myself that they were being 'funny' or taking the mick with me being the subject of their jokes or conversations. This is just how I feel, how much is actually me or them I can't really say because I really struggle understanding sometimes if someone is just having a bit of fun or taking the mick.

Generally I'm a pretty quiet guy and not very assertive at all but more often than not, in the end I end up losing my temper towards this other person and although I haven't been physical, I know it's only a matter of time before things get out of hand and I'm tired of feeling angry, I don;'t like being angry but its the overwhelming urge that I feel I have to stand my corner when it feels like people are in a sense, bullying me

It's sort of got to the point where I find it difficult telling the difference now between someone being nice or not, and this problem seems to be gradually getting worse because I've recently fallen out with a group of people who I think dislike me and try to belittle me on a regular basis, and my reaction is to get angry and it's almost ended in physical confrontation, thats just out of control.

The worst happens when I've had a drink, but I'm certainly not an alcoholic or anything in that sense, I merely think it allows the anger to come to the surface but is not the source of the problem, I think it's paranoia and the sense of rejection which then creates my anger.

I'm a businessman with a moderately successful little business and can usually think logically but when it comes to my personal life and social relationships, I'm all at sea and really struggle.

I know I'm desperate to sort this out once and for all because booking a counselling session to me was very difficult and to me (wrongly I know) feels like a weakness. I'm pushing people away from me when in fact it's the opposite I want, I'm in my thirties and it feels like my whole life is starting to crumble around me, feel complete helpless sometimes.

Your family background - are there any problems there do you think?

C.

There's no mental illess in the family but if you mean in terms of other stuff that might be related, my biological father left before I was born so didn't meet him until my late twenties and according to my mother, I never really 'bonded' with my stepfather who's brought me up.

I couldn't really tell you if any of the above will have anything to do with it but I think rejection has played a part in my life so far, it's not something that has suddenly appeared though as I always had trouble in school bonding with people and even with friends I wouldn't really feel part of the group.

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