Trouble in Anger

I have a friend who is easily pissed off and angered. I understand there are ways in which controling your anger can be settled however, this girl is one minded. She doesn't want help and can't be told what to do. Infact she is in pretty hard denial. I know she can't help it. It's just how her mind works and who she is, there is no use in trying to change someone who doensn't want to be changed. I love her a lot but because of her anger issues, she bring my mood down and make me ignorant. Conversations turns into arguements and hate and anger is what ends it. It's frustrating because i don't know what to do. Should i just ignore her when she is like that, should i be angry as well, even though i am not a angry person, or should i try a method of some psychological manner to help her

Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks :p

Friend, it sounds like you are tip-toeing around your friend and it's not working. You are upset and irritated at her continuing negative mood and behavior. If you don't change the way you respond and start making your needs and wants known - your relationship will continue to spiral downward! You can't change her but, you can decide not to allow her angry behavior to make you unhappy.

Here are some ideas:
Maybe you shouldn't try to 'fix things' for her anymore because she's being demanding and unreasonable. She needs to take responsibility to improve her life and feelings.
And I think it's time for you to balance the relationship better. What do I mean? She gets to pour out her emotions with little regard for yours until you explode in an argument. She needs to hear how you are feeling and what you need. If she can't handle it - then, she's not ready for a healthy, 'give and take' relationship.

And maybe it's time to recommend that she get professional help for her anger issues because she needs to explore any underlying depression, low self-esteem, unforgiveness or dyfunctional family issues.

Here are some practical strategies to help you manage the relationship better:
Set some boundaries with her. When she's really upset or angry - take a time-out for at least 30 minutes or a few hours until she calms down. Then, get back together and agree that you will only talk about facts and real issues - there will be no put-downs or blaming allowed.
You can't resolve matters when a person is that angry because they can't think clearly. Anger rears it's ugly head in 1-3 seconds and there's a physiological reaction which causes the hormones to kick in (adrenaline) lasting up to 30 minutes. It's very difficult to engage someone in a clear-thinking dialogue to resolve issues during that time.

Take a time-out from each other and during that time think over what happened to cause the anger. What disppointments, unmet expectations or misunderstandings may have occurred to bring it about? Write it out if necessary.

Communicate more effectively: Come up with a few sentences that explain your feelings and need: "I was upset when you didn't show up on time for our dinner. It made me feel unimportant. Can you try to call me next time if you are going to be late?"
Notice the progression of these statements:
You express your feelings (upset) about the situation or behavior (didn't show up on time) which occurred. You explain how deeply it impacted you: "It made me feel unimportant."
Then, you make a simple request.

It's hard to have a respectful dialogue llike this though about issues unless each person has cooled down and is able to think clearly.
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This helps a lot. It helped me personally because i suppose her anger has been frustrating me to the point where i take on her perspective. As i was reading this i was already trying to find excuses not to listen, (but she wont, or i cant') just nagetive thoughts filled my head, but the advice you gave me is set true. And common since for the most part.

Thank you a bunch, this helped so so much. I think what i appreciated the most is you didn't say give up. And i suppose that is the biggest fear, that i'm going to loose her. Thank you so much for the alternatives and the suttlement of my fear.

Thanks, Aaron

I think this will help to us.
Always I angry with my husband.Because he is Every day smoking.It is big problem to his health and our economy.He did not think it never.

............................

Thushara

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