Anger ouburst this morning .

Hi everyone

I really need to tell someone what happened this morning, i will just write it instead.

I had a row with my husband this morning, he started telling me to f--k off and get f----d ect, and this makes me very angry, i felt like attacking him but i didnt, instead i hurled abuse back at him and ripped up all our anniversary cards and spat on them, also i ripped the flowers he gave me.

I said some really evil things to him, but i just lost control, i cut myself afterwards because i felt so bad.

This has happened before, i dont know whats wrong with me.

Thanks for reading, i know others probably have much worse problems to deal with, it just scares me when i get so angry.

Dear louise80,
Welcome to our forums.
First off, I'd like to introduce you to the great resourses provided by Angercoach.
http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=16001
The trouble with angry words is once spoken they cannot be put back in one's mouth. The underlying seething rage that is easily provoked is like a little fire that occasionally gets gasoline thrown at it.
Usually we can see it coming. There is a moment before the proverbial $#%^ hits the fan where we can suck in a deep breath, relax our shoulders, and pause. In this pause we can decide whether or not to go down this old path of rage, or turn towards letting it slide this time. Retraining one's self to not blindly react, but to pause and reflect, is a skill that can be learned with practice. Like any new skill, at first it may feel awkward, but persistance will pay off.
As you gain control over the reaction process, and learn to pause and reflect instead, you can possibly discover what is "wrong" with you. It may turn out to be something as simple as just not knowing how to operate your emotional thermostat. We learn this sort of thing from our families growing up. What was your upbringing like? Who were your teachers?

Dear Louise, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of rage, depression and a tendency towards self-mutilation.

I would recommend you seek professional counseling. See: www.nbcc.org or www.aacc.net for a directory of counselors in your area.

Read about depression here: www.counselcareconnection.org/depress.asp
Also, read about self-mutilation here: www.self-injury.org and here: http://www.counselcareconnection.org/mutilate.asp

Your rage is coming from somewhere. You had a right to be angry at your husband for being so disrespectful. But, you should feel concerned about how much rage, shame and despair you have buried inside. You need to explore and deal with it.

You are a valuable person with dignity. You need to be treated that way and to treat yourself that way.

Thanks guys

I have recently started seeing a councelor, not sure if its helping yet but will keep going with it.

My upbringing was ok i guess. i lost my dad when i was a toddler,
My mum used to have really bad mood swings and she was very angry, and quite controlling, she could just lose her temper in a second.

She used to lash out at me sometimes but mainly it was verbal abuse i got from her and she used to put me down a lot.

Me and dh had another row last night and the same thing happened again, i felt quite suicidal which is not good esp because i have small children, i feel guilty for feeling like that.

I basicaly cannot handle dh being angry with me and when he swears at me thats when i tend to lose it . xx

Hi, louise80,
Seeing a counselor is really worthwhile, not only to help sort what is going on with your homelife, but also to have an unbiased ear to listen.
Being the target of an emotionally erratic parent who verbally abused you and had little control over her own moods has made you hypersensitive to any verbal abuse by anyone else, like your husband. It is tremendously hard to resist retaliating when someone, especially someone you are sharing the same house with, starts cussing at you. I would hope your husband can also get counseling, and learn a better way of communicating than resorting to verbal abuse.
The aftermath of these rows is depression and remorse. It is frightening to feel unable to stave off these rows or resolve them in a positive way. Along with the counseling, please feel free to come here and talk to us as well.
What precipitates your husband's cussing at you? What sort of pressures is he under? Being head of household of a wife and 4 little children is a heavy responsibility. How is he bearing up? Not to excuse verbal abuse, but it does help to look at the other person's life in order to gain insight.
The goal here is to create a tranquil and relaxed home atmosphere.

My husband is a very stressy man !!

He isnt happy at work and things are quite stressful at home.
Our eldest child has autism and our children are all under 5 !
He has had a lot of difficulty accepting our sons disability and has blamed me on several occasions which was very hurtful.

I do wind him up and nag him a bit but not without good reason !

Thankyou for your reply it has helped and what you wrote is very clear and easy to understand.

Chat soon x