Boyfriend with uncontrollable anger outbursts

We have been dating for 1 year and a half and I have been 3 months of the time super depressed and he has always been by my side helping and being hopeful. I got better by getting help and found the right medicine for my mental health.
He always had anger outbursts but not as bad as they are now, he has seen many therapists and tried multiple medications but they only seem to make it worse for him. And every time they tell him to change the medication, he goes into withdrawal and it's even worse than before. He has tried counseling and he can't seem to connect or see the point in doing that and also he has tried cognitive behavioral therapy which he said was a waste of money.
He has invested so much in his mental health and he is trying to get better and because I have my own things going on in my head is not easy to keep a level mind and dissociate myself from the things he is saying to me, knowing that he doesn't mean them, it's just his way of coping with his pain.
A quick childhood story, he has been abandoned by his father, and his mother used to beat him up and be always angry at him. Recently he reconnected with his father but they ended up punching each other so that some recent trauma added to everything.
He doesn't have a job, or a hobby, he used to be passionate about fire spinning but he can't do it here as it's illegal... he was passionate about photography but he lost that passion too. He used to travel a lot and the Corona is not helping by keeping him locked in a place.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is how can I help him? How could I support this? I don't want to give up just because he is not feeling himself, I was bad at some point and he helped.

Hi aerjov,

Has your boyfriend asked for your help? If so, did he tell you how to help him? That might be a good place to start. If he didn’t ask for your help, it may be better to focus on your own issues. Good luck.

thegentlepath wrote:Hi aerjov,

Has your boyfriend asked for your help? If so, did he tell you how to help him? That might be a good place to start. If he didn’t ask for your help, it may be better to focus on your own issues. Good luck.

Hello! Thank you for your reply. I have asked how could I help him and he is saying I can't really because he's got a strong personality and rarely listens to others...
I know he wants help but he can't ask for it.

No problem aerjov. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want your help. It may be more helpful to focus on your own issues, that way if/when he does ask for your help, you’ll be strong enough to be of service to him.

Hello
Let him know that you are always there for him if he needs you. Also let him know how his behaviour is affecting you and your relationshi with him. Make sure that he understands that he has you to fall back on. Having said that, you cannot really help someone who doesn't want it. Wait for the day he asks you to help him, that is when you do your bit.

Hi. I really do think he needs professional help. It's hard when our loved ones are experiencing this, but there's no easy way in this. You have to be strong and make sure that you take care of yourself, too.