hatred for abuser n caretaker

i just hate them. n hate this world to the extent i want some major problem to fall in my abuser's life. like some illness or some lawsuit. i just hate him so much n aargh, i make up scenarios in my mind where he is going through some problem n his life gets ruined. n i know its a waste of mental energy n it wont happen but i just curse him all the time n wish some illness in his life.

I was bullied all through high school by the same gang of 5 boys. I often day dreamed of something bad happening to any of them, especially the 2 ring leaders. It never did, but it made me calmer thinking about it. I am, though, confused about the subject of your letter. Is it your carer who is abusing you? i believe there are government agencies that you can report them to, which would be a lot better than you taking matters into your own hands one day.

to be honest i was bullied in school n i was also a bully in my college. now i'm ashamed of my latter behavior.
the guy i bullied is doing terrific now.

i'm angry at my caretaker. but now i dont live with her. i'm more angry at my cousin for sexually abusing me. at times i feel like i'm blaming him cause even he was a kid.
the anger comes suddenly. like i'll punch the wall or throw the stack of newspaper on the floor or throw the pillow on the floor.

i think of the years i wasted in depression n that makes me more depressed.

have started therapy now. hope it helps. had 2 sessions. i'm skeptical of telling him about the sex part.

Wait... Jaus... You are being abused by your care taker?
Are you a minor? Is this an on-going situation?
If yes to both, you don't need this forum, you need the cops/youth services.

I was abused all through my childhood, but I was afraid to tell anyone about it, afraid to lose the life I knew. I'm still messed up 30 years later. Please don't let this happen to you.

no i'm 30 years old now... the caretaker was emotional abuse n there was sexual abuse by someone else.

i became a beggar of validation

jaus tail wrote:no i'm 30 years old now... the caretaker was emotional abuse n there was sexual abuse by someone else.

i became a beggar of validation

Still messed up, but I'm glad you don't seem to be in immediate danger.
Can't you contact your care giver's agency or something?
Or are they the usual brick wall?

i live away from home now. in another city. but my mind is messed up (beyond repair, i fear)

i have identity issues. if i see a tv show where a guy manipulates others and takes away their money, i feel i am that character. and start feeling immense guilt, shame, self-hatred.

if i see a tv show where a guy has been manipulated, i feel like that character and start feeling immense anger.

i dont have any strong identity and its frustrating. like demons in my head.