Aggression towards animals

Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I've tried posting on other websites before but I get a lot of hate, which is understandable considering I'm quite messed up in certain ways, however I want to better myself and find out why I feel the way I do, which is why I'm here.

One of the earliest instances I can recall getting angry in my life is when I was holding a small stuffed animal duck. I don't remember what made me angry, but I remember slamming the duck on the ground repeatedly and biting it. My mother came into the room and took the duck and told me to stop. I remember feeling very sad for the duck and wanting to console it. I don't know if this is somehow related to the trouble I experience today, but I thought it worth mentioning.

I have always been an animal lover, since I was a little girl I've had a deep love for horses. I took riding lessons for much of my teenage years, and volunteered. However I can recall instances that became more common the older I got, where horses would anger me when they misbehaved, so angry that I would over discipline them, feel anxiety towards interacting with them, and have now all together stopped riding. I havent been riding for a year now.

Many of my friends and family, specifically my boyfriend are confused by this, because for pretty much as long as I've been alive my bigget passion was horses, and now, for reasons I can't decipher they make me upset to look at.

The biggest issue I'm facing currently is thoughts of hurting my boyfriends dog. I've had dogs in the past, and never felt this way towards any of them until now. She annoys me so badly I can't tolerate her presence at times. He allows her on the couch which makes me upset because she sheds and smells. And when we leave the house she shits everywhere. She is house trained but my boyfriend thinks she does it when we're gone out of separation anxiety. She jumps up, even when I tell her no and to get down she doesn't listen, and it makes me so upset I chase her, hit her, and make her afraid of me, sometimes even just for staring at me too long. She's not usually scared of me unless I become aggressive, but when I do she shakes and hides and that only seems to anger me more. Also when I let her outside to use the bathroom, she takes off at a dead run, despite me calling her back and yelling. She isn't scared, she just runs off because she knows she can. Her lack of discipline just pushes my buttons. When I find her I spank her and hit her and leave her tied outside. I've ripped off my finger nail before from hitting her too hard. She never bleeds, or gets any physical signs of being hurt, but I feel bad afterwards, until I get angry again. My boyfriend has yelled at me before and defended the dog from me, he says I have an issue and I know he's right. But when the anger gets flowing I just can't seem to stop myself.

I'm lucky he still loves and supports me despite this, we've been together for 3 years but I haven't lived with him and the dog until 6onths ago. I want to do right by him and the dog, I just don't know what to do. I feel my behavior is really extreme and it scares me.

I also have pet reptiles, 4 snakes and 2 lizards, despite the fact they can bite and show aggression I have never hurt them and I never would. There is just something about this dog that triggers me.

Thanks for reading, any advice appreciated.

I'm 18 and female if that helps at all.

I had similar feelings towards my pet hamster back when it liked to bite me hard. I think it was part because by biting me it betrayed my expectations - I wanted it to be a friendly little pet, and it refused to be one. I felt pathetic, because I had no power over a tiny rodent. And this frustration resulted in things. I imagine you don't feel so strongly about your pet reptiles because you accept the fact that reptiles aren't considered very friendly beings.

If it helps pleas know I am a vegan and I don't hate you. I do think you need to recognize it is never okay nor an option to abuse your boyfriend's dog. You need to absolutely stop doing it, no matter what. Until you feel you have a grip on your self-control you should make sure you are not alone with her. This sounds similar to a blackout rage. I suspect the reason you harm the dog more so than your lizards is because there are no consequences; thus it is more reinforcing. Perhaps there is also the element that as mammals dogs are more "humanlike" and so their intentions and emotions are more easily identifiable, which can in turn affect yours.

I hope this helps.

Firstly, well done for not justifying it. Admitting and noticing something is huge hurdle, the even biggle hurdle is to tell someone about it. I kind of feel proud that you're trying to take steps to put an end this behaviour. So well done again.

Do you like anything at all about the dog?

To me, it sounds like frustration and anger. The dog clearly upsets and you don't like her around you at all and the fact that she only listen to you when you she is scared explains why you are always angry towards her. Because that's the only way you know that makes her behave.

I think you and your boyfriend should seriously talk about how you're going to deal with this. If you think you would feel happier if she didn't share the couch with you, then you have to speak to your boyfriend about training the dog to get down. If you see her behaving and obeying it may make you feel better about her. You both have to agree that training her is that right thing to do and can sometimes be a big task to train a dog and you've both got to be dedicated.

If your boyfriend doesn't think the dog needs training then there may be an issue.

I wish you 3 all the best.

mysticdreams98 wrote:
The biggest issue I'm facing currently is thoughts of hurting my boyfriends dog. I've had dogs in the past, and never felt this way towards any of them until now. She annoys me so badly I can't tolerate her presence at times. He allows her on the couch which makes me upset because she sheds and smells. And when we leave the house she shits everywhere. She is house trained but my boyfriend thinks she does it when we're gone out of separation anxiety. She jumps up, even when I tell her no and to get down she doesn't listen, and it makes me so upset I chase her, hit her, and make her afraid of me, sometimes even just for staring at me too long. She's not usually scared of me unless I become aggressive, but when I do she shakes and hides and that only seems to anger me more. Also when I let her outside to use the bathroom, she takes off at a dead run, despite me calling her back and yelling. She isn't scared, she just runs off because she knows she can. Her lack of discipline just pushes my buttons. When I find her I spank her and hit her and leave her tied outside. I've ripped off my finger nail before from hitting her too hard. She never bleeds, or gets any physical signs of being hurt, but I feel bad afterwards, until I get angry again. My boyfriend has yelled at me before and defended the dog from me, he says I have an issue and I know he's right. But when the anger gets flowing I just can't seem to stop myself.

I'm lucky he still loves and supports me despite this, we've been together for 3 years but I haven't lived with him and the dog until 6onths ago. I want to do right by him and the dog, I just don't know what to do. I feel my behavior is really extreme and it scares me.

Firstly I have Bipolar II and Schizoid Personality Disorder I also have a dog and a cat and I’m usually a totally laid-back guy that doesn’t get annoyed or show emotion in general.

Like you I get really mad at my dog, but manage to mostly not physically discipline him. For me I find him very annoying when he whines (which makes me explosively angry), stares at me too long, or is outright disobedient.

Mostly I cope by sending him to his basket when he sits there eyeballing me, and yelling at him or walking away when he whines too much. In regards to the disobedience I usually manage by sending him to his basket and very rarely result to physical discipline as my wife and children don’t like it.

I’m not sure why he gets me mad. Part of it is his need for attention and affection. My wife (who is far more affectionate than I has banned him from her couch which means he’s only allowed on the couch that the kids and I use.

In regards to going into an instant rage over his whining or eyeballing me I have similar issues with people. Wet smacking noises that people make with their mouths drive be crazy as well. With my family I can ask them nicely to desist, but with others I usually have to walk away in a seething rage.

Being stared at by my dog is a minor annoyance compared to making noises. I don’t get as angry and can survive by shooing him away.

My suggestion is you need to train the dog better. You’ll need to use positive encouragement to ensure the dog will come. So make a game of it and do it regularly and the dog will get used to coming to you.

Do you have any related issues that automatically set you off?

Also is there a name for not being able to block out some noises or other stimulae and which causes auto rage?

[quote="mysticdreams98"].

"I have always been an animal lover, since I was a little girl
The biggest issue I'm facing currently is thoughts of hurting my boyfriends dog. I've had dogs in the past, and never felt this way towards any of them until now. She annoys me so badly I can't tolerate her presence at times. She's not usually scared of me unless I become aggressive, but when I do she shakes and hides and that only seems to anger me more. Her lack of discipline just pushes my buttons. When I find her I spank her and hit her and leave her tied outside. I feel bad afterwards, until I get angry again. My boyfriend says I have an issue and I know he's right. But when the anger gets flowing I just can't seem to stop myself. "

I don't know how this quote will come out in my post, sorry.
Not so long ago (like 15 years). I had a dog. I had her since she was a puppy and she loved and trusted me more than anyone, I loved and cared for her. Then I had a stroke, our relationship changed, I stopped loving her, lost the ability to care for her, she was a major impost on my energy and finances, both of which were in short supply after the stroke. I started to treat her cruelly, roughly, impatiently and irritably, because she had become disabled after I dropped her on her back.
She stopped loving me. Eventually her life became so miserable because of the disabilities that I caused, and from the the way I treated her, that I had her euthanaised. I have never forgiven myself for how I treated her, and this causes me, now, enormous amounts of guilt, stress, and tears.
Before this happens to you, if you hurt this dog, have a good think about what you are doing. You may have to remove yourself from the room that the dog is in at that moment. But anytime you are unhappy now, you will multiply it many times if you do injure the dog and it eventually dies so that you can no longer make amends.
I think you have to tell your boyfriend that he has to do any of the caring and tending of the dog, and that you do not feel that you are capable. I suppose it comes down to the question of is your boyfriend a keeper, and if not is it worth jeopardising your future emotional health by hanging in there and one day maybe causing the dog irreparable harm, as I did my dog.

I may be telling you something you already know, but I think the root of your anger is Controlling, possibly affected by OCD inflexibility. You direct your anger to things you feel are "out of control," like the (unintentionally) disrespectful dog? Your reptiles may fit your expectations, and so they are not a target.

Good news and bad, I'm not sure how much is genetic, but for sure past frustrations have conditioned this kind of rote-response in you. I was constantly terrorized by a parent. I also work with large animals at work, where abuse is the norm, though I rarely participate unless my boss is screaming at me to "DO SOMETHING......"

Ive abused pets only 2 or 3 times over 15 years, and deeply regretted my actions after seriously hurting one. I donate and support to animal rescues regularly to remind me of my crime, and that awareness has calmed me down and prevented future incidents. I'm 40.

Breaththrough findings on OCD were presented a few months ago, and it is treatable, if in fact that's shaping your behavior. I imagine serotonin -based treatments help a bunch, but wouldn't know. I never tried because my bloody psychiatrists angered me so much I walked out! lol

The more I thought about your post, the more I'm sure that severe OCD is a major part of your diagnosis. It's not just about hand washing (that's just one manifestation). OCDs are over-reactive to strong stimuli that invade their comfort zone such as stink and stench and filth, and react with often violent revulsion.

A bitterly ironic complication is that humans, even more so than dogs, are naturally smelly sweaty creatures ...and your resentment of the dog's odor is more to do with a greater issue of self-loathing / species-loathing (famous quote: we criticize in others what we most hate in ourselves!).

It's never going to get better. My OCD progressed from dogs to anger at people who cough and spew in your face, boyfriends who fart in bed, etc. Lucky for you, the ocd gene was isolated in mice in late 2016 (scientists were able to trigger their brains to wash themselves compulsively), and enlightenment is going to come in leaps and bounds. They now realize that ocd is not jyst an annoying habit, but can can actually be moderated with medication. So go for it!

The best advice would be to enrol your dog in a training class and get yourself a therapist. If you don't have money, read/watch dog trainings online (try to avoid methods that stress punishment, most regular everyday people can't use punishment correctly without shown by a trainer and it will hurt the dog). I honestly don't know what you can do to help yourself without paying a therapist, but if you can't hire a therapist maybe try making yourself busy/working on personal goals/doing more exercises and of course remove yourself from stressful people in your life ? One thing I know for sure is that it will only get worse if you don't do anything about it, hoping it will go away on its own. Best of luck!

mysticdreams98 wrote:Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. I've tried posting on other websites before but I get a lot of hate, which is understandable considering I'm quite messed up in certain ways, however I want to better myself and find out why I feel the way I do, which is why I'm here.

One of the earliest instances I can recall getting angry in my life is when I was holding a small stuffed animal duck. I don't remember what made me angry, but I remember slamming the duck on the ground repeatedly and biting it. My mother came into the room and took the duck and told me to stop. I remember feeling very sad for the duck and wanting to console it. I don't know if this is somehow related to the trouble I experience today, but I thought it worth mentioning.

I have always been an animal lover, since I was a little girl I've had a deep love for horses. I took riding lessons for much of my teenage years, and volunteered. However I can recall instances that became more common the older I got, where horses would anger me when they misbehaved, so angry that I would over discipline them, feel anxiety towards interacting with them, and have now all together stopped riding. I havent been riding for a year now.

Many of my friends and family, specifically my boyfriend are confused by this, because for pretty much as long as I've been alive my bigget passion was horses, and now, for reasons I can't decipher they make me upset to look at.

The biggest issue I'm facing currently is thoughts of hurting my boyfriends dog. I've had dogs in the past, and never felt this way towards any of them until now. She annoys me so badly I can't tolerate her presence at times. He allows her on the couch which makes me upset because she sheds and smells. And when we leave the house she shits everywhere. She is house trained but my boyfriend thinks she does it when we're gone out of separation anxiety. She jumps up, even when I tell her no and to get down she doesn't listen, and it makes me so upset I chase her, hit her, and make her afraid of me, sometimes even just for staring at me too long. She's not usually scared of me unless I become aggressive, but when I do she shakes and hides and that only seems to anger me more. Also when I let her outside to use the bathroom, she takes off at a dead run, despite me calling her back and yelling. She isn't scared, she just runs off because she knows she can. Her lack of discipline just pushes my buttons. When I find her I spank her and hit her and leave her tied outside. I've ripped off my finger nail before from hitting her too hard. She never bleeds, or gets any physical signs of being hurt, but I feel bad afterwards, until I get angry again. My boyfriend has yelled at me before and defended the dog from me, he says I have an issue and I know he's right. But when the anger gets flowing I just can't seem to stop myself.

I'm lucky he still loves and supports me despite this, we've been together for 3 years but I haven't lived with him and the dog until 6onths ago. I want to do right by him and the dog, I just don't know what to do. I feel my behavior is really extreme and it scares me.

I also have pet reptiles, 4 snakes and 2 lizards, despite the fact they can bite and show aggression I have never hurt them and I never would. There is just something about this dog that triggers me.

Thanks for reading, any advice appreciated.

I'm 18 and female if that helps at all.

HI mysticdreams98; welcome to this forum. You are lucky to enter this family. Hope you will get a lot of response and solve your problem here.