Read my plea for help

Im so scared of getting older turing 22 i hate being in my 20s my conciseness is distorted tainted polluted i cannot breath with confidence. I have no idea of how continue to live. Both parents are gone. I feel like im brought on this earth as a mistake im living in the wrong body. I want to be a teen again i dont want to have this mind. I dont want to see infants in public im scared to see new life they have a fresh start they have a new beginning to be better then scum like me. I dont know if i can bear the pain of my birthday coming soon. getting older then seeing pregnant women walk around ugly like prostitutes with their parents by their side. people have children with their parents alive and well celebrating. I can never have that luxury. Everyone has a family and parents and lives life. Suicide might be a good option in a year or two. if i cant be younger and have bear being this horrible age seeing such awful things everyday when i dont want to see them and im trying to avoid them. Lost in a limbo dont know what to do im wasting time breathing theres no divine being to help they ignore you with no consideration offer you no help. i cant hold my emotion i almost cry in public most times or i get to a point of rage that i want kill a person not at random. My heart bleeds when i hear stories of people at my place of work talking about having kids on the way sounding so happy and talking abouit their lives when i dont want to hear it i cant avoid this crap. Peoples joy is my ultimate suffering. I hate living in this body i feel inferior to everybody i feel below i feel old and i dont any interest in reality.

I feel for you man. I sense your pain and frustrations due to your darkened self opinion [I too have such demons.] I'm sorry things have turned out that way, that you don't have parents and love in your life. A persons twenties can be a very difficult time, I remember that clearly. Just hold on, carry on, and keep turning towards the good in life. It's there, around you, and within you. Treat it as a lifeline, like me.