Blind Rage.....

Hi,

I haven't been mad in a long time. I got my anger in control, until last night.

My spouse with held information, I being a survivor, felt completely manipulated.
Is there such a thing as blind rage. Because I remember very little after 5pm lastnight. I dont remember going to bed, nothing.

I was mad when I woke up this morning, but I am scared I might of did something I should not have. I fight fair. My spouse does not. He says I am crazy, insane, my best friend lives out of state, so he tells me I have no friends, I am a loser.

I seen my psych today, he asked me what could I have done, to make things better. I said get a grip, but that I couldn't.

I have never went out of control, from anger and this scares me.
My child was not home, when we had this fight, I dont even know when was the last time I felt like that.

I am scared, and I am still pissed. Can you really black out with anger?? I guess you can? I dont do drugs or drink alcohol, so that is not in the equation.

Help me please understand what happened and how I can never do that again. I am scared and alone.

Blind Rage, that is all I can think , I dont think I disossicated. I have done that in the past.

Please someone help me figure this out. Please I really need someone to help me.

smalltalkred

Red!!!
Honey, what happened? You know you can count on me for anything. PM me if you want.
I don't know what could make you react like that. Maybe it was the hurt that made you forget... I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.
I am sure you can overcome whatever happened.
If you need me, just let me know.
You are not alone, red. You are not.

jasmin wrote:Red!!!
Honey, what happened? You know you can count on me for anything. PM me if you want.
I don't know what could make you react like that. Maybe it was the hurt that made you forget... I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.
I am sure you can overcome whatever happened.
If you need me, just let me know.
You are not alone, red. You are not.

thanks jasmin, I just dont know what happened. There are a few things I remember. My spouse had done something that I felt, I was lied to, and if I can't trust him.......you know.

Then there is his name calling. He calls me crazy, insane, that I dont have any friends, that I am strange and no one likes me. This used to upset me greatly. I really valued his opinion. But now yes it hurts, when he says things like that, but I don't let it hurt me or get to me so I cry.

I dont know what to make of it. I snapped. I vaguely remember bits and pieces. Crap I hate that. I have my own control issue, that I have to be in control of myself and my reactions.

Blind rage is not in control. I still pissed at him. I have a very short $#%^ list. and now he is one of a few on it at present . his name is #1. in all capital letters.

Ugh! Lord help me, it had to have been a trigger.

I never want to feel that way again.

I am so confused. My main dispostion is happy. I thought the angry monster had went away.
Only I have never lost track of time while feeling angry.

Sweetheart, you have to tell him that he is not allowed to call you names. Red, that is not normal or right, that is abuse, especially considering everything else you have been through.
You have to put your foot down and let him know how he makes you feel. He must realise this. Tell him to go with you to therapy, you need to resolve this. He can't keep treating you like this.
I almost snapped when I read this. I am angry as well.
I'm sorry, sugar, it will all work out, you'll see.
You should be very clear with him. Sorry, I don't know about the rage thing. You do not deserve to be treated like that or called that and he is absolutelly wrong, you are none of those things.

"Blind Rage"... good way to describe the gut, physiological response produced by the emotional center of the brain (amydala) when it is not kept in check by the frontal cortex of the brain. Hate to be so clinical - but, I think that's the result when you respond to anger triggers without any intervention by the thinking part of the brain.
Yes. The response could also have to do with a "throw-back" to the past when you were abused and mistreated. All those memories and feelings return with full-force. But, since he is verbal abuser - your feelings of helplessness and shame from the put-downs came to the surface.
Just some random thoughts. Blind rage can be controlled.
LIsten to
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Dear Smalltalkred,
Holy Cow! If my partner told me I was crazy, nobody liked me, I was insane and strange and all that other crap, I would go ballistic, too. He must be having some serious issues of his own to attack you like that. Did you call him on something that seemed untruthful and everybody went nuclear after that? I've been in some pretty horrific verbal battles in my life, and did the fur fly or what! Then it seemed to take forever for the combatants to lick their wounds and resume civility. Bad things get said in rage. Its like Gotterdammerung. Afterwards one will feel shaky and disconected for days.
I hope you both quickly heal, and are able to help each other with these issues of trust and anger.
Know that I personally really like you. Your sweetness and light shine through on all your postings. If I ever met you on the street I would like you there, too.

Red, trust me, if my partner said or did any of the things yours said/did, I'd have a fair amount of blind rage as well. It's a pretty normal reaction and I'd be more worried if you didn't do anything and just let it slide. He needs to know you're not gonna take any of that $#%^ from him, but at the same time I hope you both get through it without ending up with more psychological damage done, to either of you.

That last sentence might not have made a lot of sense, I just realised... Anyway, you can do it! I know you can, I reckon everyone on the board knows you can, and most importantly, you need to know you can! Good luck hunn!

ive had a couple of times when ive been in a blind rage..ive woke up with bruises and self inflicted cuts,scratches and ive pulled my own hair out. they have been caused by arguments where ive been critisised or put down. my fiance is a man of few words and although hes a gentle man his tongue is nasty. he thinks he can say something nasty and that i can accept that he said it in the heat of the moment and that he didnt mean it at all. but its not that easy. our worlds are fragile..we have suffered so much we cant bear the thought of any imperfection in ourselves or our relationship. hes now learning the effect his words have upon me...we are getting there..our loves strong.

im sorry red but i have no real advice....i could say that when he next says something nasty or that hurts u to walk away and then ask him to explain why he said these things when your calm..but if your anything like me i wont let things drop and NEED to go crazy at him for hurting me....im still in a learning phase upon this myself.

my love to u red x