Anger Antidotes- Parts Four and Five

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones-Proverbs 16:24

Say a kind word

A well-placed compliment can transform the demeanor of the fiercest enemy. If you look hard enough you can find something nice to say about any individual. As you go throughout your day practice looking for the good in people and when you find it, tell them. Don’t wait for them to respond in like manner. Your kind words should be like a cool breeze on a summer day, unexpected and welcome.

Give till it hurts

My wife is an avid recycler. On any given day you can find an assorted mix of paper, plastic, glass and aluminum stacked in her trunk. She is not a member of Green Peace and she could not tell you where to find the nearest rain forest. She likes the cash benefits. She is also a champion coupon clipper so I’m pretty sure she has a decent nest egg hidden somewhere around the house.

At 5’4 117 pounds, my wife is not exactly physically equipped to handle her profitable recycling hobby and on more than one occasion she has received assistance from the workers at the recycling center. The other day she asked me if it was ok if she brought them lunch. All of the men who work there are Mexican immigrants. They work hard and long days. Their clothes are often spotted, soiled and smelly from sorting tons of trash. On that day they were treated to a buffet lunch of bar- b- q ribs and chicken with all the “fixens”

Giving is another anger antidote that rescues you from your self. It focuses your attention on another person. In addition giving is the type of action that comes back to you. If you can find a way to position yourself in a cycle of unselfish giving and receiving you may find the rewards so great that anger becomes an afterthought. There are a number of ways in which you can give, but your giving should be of a personal nature. Avoid just writing a check and sending it to a charity several miles away. Get involved with people. You can become a big brother or sister. Be of assistance to the homeless or the elderly. Some say you are not really giving if it does not cause you to sacrifice. A $25 donation from Donald Trump is not saying much. Your giving should be in direct relationship to what you have.
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Good suggestions, Shannon.
King Solomon wrote another Proverb (15:1): "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger."

Giving a gentle answer worked for Gideon - a righteous man in the Old Testament. When the Midianites who were very angry accused him - he responded with a compliment and the passage goes on to say: "their anger subsided."

Another technique for confusing a provoking individual is to lighthearedly agree with someone who is making a critical comment about your clothes. This is called "fogging".
Ex: "You really think I have no taste."
Responding in such a way helps you maintain control by not taking the comment seriously. It breakds the escalation cycle by side-stepping an aggressive counterresponse (Feindler & Ecton).