by angercoach » Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:47 pm
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Dear Friend,
Maybe you mean - what is the process of anger? My understanding is that anger really is a secondary emotion to fear, hurt, frustration, sadness, etc. Usually the initial emotion is fear- someone or something threatens you, your esteem or goals.
Once the anger kicks in - you have to identify whether the issue is important and how to respond. When people don't respond in healthy ways such as using an assertive response - anger may be turned into aggression or depression.
Anger is a normal emotion but, for most people, it becomes too extreme and happens too often. Why? Because there are so many other internal causes for anger such as:
1. false beliefs and assumptions, ie., "I must be right" or "It has to be fair".
2. cognitive distortions like: jumping to conclusions or mind-reading; magnifying events, etc.
3. biases and misappraisals of events.
Anger is an emotion which can be valid and an indicator that something is wrong - but, it can easily get out-of-control.
Corrected thinking, taking a time-out to evaluate issues and learning to communicate assertively with respect are keys to managing anger.
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